Friday, March 30, 2007

Singing in the rain

A large storm has blown into texas. I am at home with my pup listening to the rain falling. I'm hoping all this rain may wash some of the pollen away, as my allergies are crazy today!

Later today I am going to present my research to some students my program is recruiting. That is really fun, in a nostalgic sort of way. I love to remember going on interviews and visiting the university, and it is fun to think that I am now showing off this university to prospective students, as the cycle continues.

I've been observing a lot of classes instead of practicing. This has been really eye opening. As a student practicing in the class, it is difficult for me to see the entire picture sometimes. To step back and watch the whole class practice is really nice. I get to see the adjustments as the teach gives them, I get to see how people adjust themselves, and the breathing and energy is very comforting. I'd like to hang out there all day!

I think I may try to get back into the swing of asana practice myself tomorrow morning. We'll see about that...don't want to awaken the sleeping giant in my shoulder!

I've been thinking a lot about being good, kind, and forgiving with one's self lately. I really think that too often, we are judgemental of each other, but even more so of ourselves. We are very hard on ourselves! I'm trying to cut myself a break lately, and I like it :) I'm doing the best that I can in my life, and that feels really good.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Farewell Tele

My husband and I have decided to get rid of television....oooooooooh I'm scared! And strangely excited! It is one of those things that I've known we should do for long time, but have not had the will power to do. I mentioned the other day to my hubby that I have been considering it, I think in a way to get him to push me to agree to do it. He has always felt it was bad, a distraction, etc....but I grew up with the t.v. on non-stop. This will take some adjusting to, but it is already cool because I feel like I have so much more time in the evening. Funny.

I'm going to start practicing full primary again soon, the tendons seem to have calmed down finally...they were angry little fellas for a while there, I wonder how it will be going back after three weeks off? I'm worried I will have lost a ton of strength, flexibility, and stamina. How has everybody else done after breaks like this?

Monday, March 26, 2007

Observing

Teacher training all weekend this past weekend, 10 hours both days. Classes included: Pranayama: breath and ratio, Pranayama: breath and movement, Deepening in meditation, Sensory systems, Sun Salutations, & Basic Yogic Philosophy. Now that we are about 1/3 of the way through this journey together, we are all starting to get close. It feels kind of like summer camp:)

Tonight I observed my first Ashtanga class with my mentor. I have to say it was a truly inspiring experience. Thank you to everyone who practices Ashtanga for being such an inspiration. Watching a group of people practice in synchrony was beautiful to behold. So many different bodies, so many different versions of the same posture, all beautiful.



Om.
vande gurunam charanaravinde
sandarsita svatmasukhava bodhe
nihsreyase jangalikayamane
samsara halahala mohasantyai

abahu purusakaram
sankhacakrasi dharinam
sahasra sirasam svetam
pranamami patanjalim
Om

Sending thoughts and prayers to Guruji. Namaste.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Can't....keep....my.....eyes.....open....

So tired today....good grief...My grant is in the hands of my boss for his input. That's the good news. The bad news is that I'm exhausted and the editing after his comments will be as much if not more work than writing this draft.

On the flip side, the arm is finally starting to slowly improve. I was beginning to wonder if it was ever going to heal. Even though only time will tell how it will perform in the long run, I'm feeling optimistic :)

This weekend is teacher training. Two ten hour days of yoga! I'm excited even though I know I'll be hating life without my weekend off.

Oh, and my husband apparently reads my blog more often than I thought. Last night he used it as leverage. He wanted me to walk him through some asana, and I was pooped. Then he said, "I'm going to post on your blog and tell on you if you don't" :) Guess I beat him to the punch by telling on myself, but I thought it was super cute that he was jonesing for some asana! His surya namaskar are starting to look really good, his body seems more lubricated like he has kicked off some of the dust from not stretching and moving much. Hurray!

Monday, March 19, 2007

Hmph....that's me pouting :)

I've resigned to the fact that I need to take a couple weeks off from practice. Well, any part of asana that involves my right arm anyway. I won't complain more about my shoulder after this post, that's enough....but the update is that I will take the next week or two off, I plan to spend much more time reading, meditating, and practicing yoga nidra.

Moving on, my husband is almost able to touch his toes now, after many nights of forward bends! He emailed me from work to say he was waiting by the printer and decided to stretch a bit, and was surprised at how "bendy" he felt. Fun! Unfortunately, I've been a sore sport about not being able to practice asana myself, and have not been teaching him as often...going to get back on track tonight!

I had a thought yesterday about how my two value systems that I adhere to are at odds and very polarized. It all started when my husband bought a new car. He really needed one, his old car was threatening to lose its right front wheel while in motion and was worth less than the cost of repairs. He bought a brand new Jetta. It is beautiful, I started thinking about how I can't wait to get my PhD and get paid a real salary, so I can buy a new car! The thing is, I have a great car already, bought it new three years ago to take me through graduate school. It still looks and drives like it is new....

I realized that my yogic view on the world makes me want to renounce material possessions, but there is a large part of me that loves luxury! Finding a balance is quite interesting! I feel guilty for wanting things I don't "need", things I only "want". The other part of me feels that it may be damn near impossible to escape the material mindset in the united states, where everywhere you look it is all about excess...My two minds are duking it out in there, Who will win out? Only time will tell...probably neither :)

Friday, March 16, 2007

What to do...

Ah bicep tendonitis...any advice on how to "rest" the proximal bicep tendon AND practice Ashtanga? :) OR, any one else experienced bicep tendonitis? I'd love to hear your story.

Also, what do people think about injuries in general? Is it best to practice through them, modifying, or is it best to wait until you are sure you are totally healed to return to asana?

I'm debating about whether to go to led class in the morning, the shoulder is not up to par, maybe going and skipping vinyasas is the way to go. The safe way to go would be to wait, I spent 20 something years not practicing, I don't think another week or so would kill me ! Oh, but I do miss the energy of the class.

Happy Weekend Everyone ! :)

Thursday, March 15, 2007

What a difference a day makes

Here is that more positive entry that I was hoping to be able to write today!

I think my favorite lesson that yoga has taught me is that unhappiness comes from searching for permanence in a world of impermanence. I have accepted that the tides of change are a force beyond control, and that is so comforting when things are not going so well. I really have started to count on and believe in the fact that no matter how sad, tired, down, hopeless, etc that I may feel in any one moment, that the next moment will be different.

Interestingly, finding comfort in the impermanence is actually just accepting the permanence of impermanence....love it.

Not to say that I don't live in each passing moment. Paradoxically, that has become second nature to me as well as a result of my practice. Knowing that the next moment will be different allows me to be present in the current one without anxiety, and to really sink into it and experience it while I have it. For example, when my hamstrings are burning in a forward bend I try to really experience it, knowing that it will pass soon.

I guess what it all boils down to is that practicing yoga makes me more comfortable in my own skin and allows me to relax and take things in stride.

My shoulder pain is down to a dull ache, and I seem to have full range of motion again. I did a mini-practice in my bedroom this afternoon and plan to start with led classes on Saturday and mysore on Sunday.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Insult to Injury: Part Deux

WARNING: this post is full of me whining...in continuing to read it, the reader waives any right to pick on me or my post.

The day after my last post, my right shoulder stiffened up and became racked with pain...I went to the doctor yesterday, and she tugged on my arm in all different directions and gave me the news: " proximal bicep tendonitis".

It has been improving a lot, every day I wake up and it feels leaps and bounds better than the day before, but no yoga for three days now... Well, that isn't entirely true, no vinyasas, chatarangas, arms in the air (as I can't bring my right one over my head), weight on my arms, etc...you get the picture, pretty much just forward bends with my hands on my waist.

I have enjoyed the break from practice; I think my recent rash of injuries indicates I'm pushing too hard. It has also given me time to think about that very issue. Have I been pushing too hard in the shala, or too hard in the rest of my life so there isn't anything left for the shala?

For example, I am a very busy graduate student, my research is freaking stressful (as most of our jobs are I'm sure), and I have an extremely unsupportive boss ( who even made me cry hysterically today ). Combine that with Austin traffic, writing a federal grant (for the second time as it was rejected the first time, so really re-writing it), feeling the pinch in the financial department (remember I'm a grad student), and ashtanga injury after injury. I've run out of internal strength and joy as well as the energy to regenerate it.

No purpose really to writing all this down, except to stop it from rolling around in my head. I look forward to tomorrow and to writing a more positive entry.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Insult to Injury

So mysore class was crazy yesterday. I wasn't feeling connected to my practice, and as a result I think I was sloppy...halfway through I was jumping through and my toenail sliced open my right wrist! Then I had some odd emotional reaction to the blood/injury! Usually I'm not such a weenie! I had to leave the room, sit down (the room was getting dark and my head was spinning), sip water, and collect myself. Anyone else had a strange emotional experience during practice?

I did go back in and finish which I was happy I did, and when I told the teach about my experience he said, (and I quote) "Blood, sweat, and tears of Ashtanga". That got me thinking... There seems to be at least two camps of Ashtangis...those that sacrifice and are proud of their blood, sweat, and tears....and those that feel that those elements are a little to harsh (maybe not the sweat). I am from the latter camp. I don't want to feel blood and tears are necessary to practice this form of yoga....and I don't plan to teach my students that they are.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Weight! I have issues...

So, ugh, lately I have been thinking about my weight...I thought I had managed to escape a few of my body issues, but I made the mistake of weighing myself recently, and the number surprised me, a lot...Then today I read Yoga Chickie's post about losing weight to make Supta K easier...ewe, then I started thinking I should make an effort to lose some weight to see if that's true...It's been months since I thought I looked "fat", and I doubt much has changed with my body over the last 24 hours, but my mental outlook sure has...hate it...need....to....resist...the urge to....judge...myself...ugh

Today will be mysore with the teach...I'm excited about it, and hope that I can leave my mind at the door. I would love to have a practice today where I listen to my body and let it guide me through, so that I can be in a more contemplative and meditative state, rather than a competitive one :)

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Disconnected

Today my cable/internet went down for around 4 hours. I had decided to stay home to work on a grant I am writing (which I need the internet for...). I was really surprised how weird I felt without having access to the internet or having the television on. I got so uncomfortable that I left the house to go shopping for a little while. I've actually been toying with getting rid of television lately, and this is just more fuel for the fire, maybe I'll be making that plunge sooner than later...maybe an experimental trial run is in order.

Also, another experiment I would like to try is to stop blogging about progress with asanas, which ones I bound in, whether or not I did a headstand, etc. (as this really isn't the point of my practice) and start blogging more about my spiritual journey, teacher training, and meditation. In the spirit of this, I have been wanting to increase the amount of time I spend meditating. My current techniques include body scanning/mindfulness and concentrating on the retentions between breaths. Anyone have a technique that has been successful for them?

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Drill Sergeant

Went to an evening class last night at northwest...I felt extra bendy for some reason, I love those days. The class had a lot more new folks than usual, so the teach spent some time giving us drills to do to work on jumping through. That was really nice, because when new students aren't there we don't get much in the way of explanation.

Anyway he gave us this one drill that was really helpful for jumping through with knees crossed. You sit as you would when you first come through with your knees crossed and the top edges of your feet on the ground, ankles crossed. Your arms are straight by your hips, you then lift your hips up and support yourself on your hands and the edges of your feet. It's great to build strength in the places you use to pull yourself through and lower. Needless to say, my arms are sore in new places.

Monday, March 5, 2007

EARLY morning mysore:)

First, apparently I had not authorized anonymous comments on this blog! It must have been a default setting, and it has been rectified! Comment away all you anonymous folks!

I went to the south location this morning for a 6 am mysore class. While it is nice to be home at 5pm and have the whole evening free, I think I am going to spend it napping because I am wiped! My friend assures me that you adjust to it, but geez today was tough...

Class was really good though, there were only 4 of us, so I was able to get help with a lot of postures, and fine tune a lot of them, too!

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Afternoon Mysore

Today was one of my favorite classes. A 4:30 pm mysore style class with the teach. I arrived about 25 minutes early and completed up to balancing postures before he arrived. Only adjustment today was in Supta K. I was finished with my 5 breaths struggling to even touch my hands, and just as I was exiting, he was jogging over to adjust me...a quick "uh uh" from him and back into the posture I went. Today he bound my hands, then tilted me up by my ankles and began to bring them behind my head....can't wait to get this! Just a taste of it was so exciting! Any advice on it would be greatly appreciated!!! (Yoga Chickie, if you are reading this, I know you just recently got this pose, any thoughts? :) )

Another day teaching the hubby too! We did a few surya namaskar A, dandasana, uttanasana, adho mukha svanasana, and shavasana with yoga nidra. I'm loving sharing that time with him!

Tomorrow morning I am going to a 6:30 am class that I promised a friend of mine I'd go to at the South location. I'm excited because I like the teacher (M) a lot, despite the painful adjustment he gave me yesterday! I'm so glad that with every day comes another practice.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

"Owee!" when he adjusted me

I decided to practice this morning despite the moon day. I have been on ladies holiday for a couple days and was itching to get to my mat! Not surprisingly I was tight and stiff from my break. During paschimottanasana C my back was rounding more than lengthening, and M came over to adjust me, and the extra weight on my back took my hammys to the limit!!! I tapped out with a moan. I have been blessed to have relatively loose hamstrings most of the time, and most of the time adjustments like these feel soooo good! Not today. Just goes to show you how every practice is different.

I did manage to include sirsasana in my practice today. Usually I am too beat to lift my legs off the floor. I'm hoping this is a sign that my stamina is coming along.

I was hanging out after class with the instructor and some friends, and I realized how much I love being a part of the yoga community. I feel so lucky to have taken this particular path in my life.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Yoga is Contagious

My husband has finally given in and allowed me to give him private yoga instruction :)
Tonight was the second evening where we went through sun salutes and we added a couple standing postures. It's a good opportunity for me to practice teaching, and it is so nice to bring yoga to someone I love so much.