Still Point of the Turning World

Happy 2010!

2010-01-06T13:42:00.002-05:00

After a long vacation (1.5 weeks!), I am back at work at lab, back in the studio for both practice and teaching, and back at the computer to blog. I can't believe how fast it went, it seems like maybe it was a dream that I snapped awake from so quickly that it doesn't seem real, like it is fading in the distance. Ok, enough romanticizing about the holidays...

Monday was my first day back at both jobs. Finally had students in my Monday night class, after changing it to Hatha Level 1, from Ashtanga-Vinyasa Fusion. Monday nights at 7:30 pm is a little late I guess to market a hot, sweaty, full-o-cardio, kind of practice. Although I think the real kicker was that a very established teacher was doing a dynamic flow in the class before mine, and there had never been a class after. So we move on to Hatha 1 for now, which was really fun to teach.

My practice has felt like a calico cat lately, with patchwork contributions from everywhere. FitTV, Anusara, Ashtanga, Sivananda, Iyengar, etc. It has been really fun just finding my way. However, I do crave structure and progress, and answering to a regular teacher has always forced me to stick with it. Which is why I fell in love with Ashtanga in the first place. I've heard people say that if you are a Pitta, Type A personality, that you will naturally align with Ashtanga, but what you really need is a practice to balance out the Pitta, like a restorative type. I can't tell if me being ok with being away from a daily mysore, or even led, ashtanga practice is a function of me seeking what I am needing, or if it is a function of my personality changing. And I'm falling into a style of practice that matches my constitution, rather than complementing it...

Yoga/Resistance Training

2009-12-04T15:49:00.002-05:00

A show on Fit TV last night had a workout that combined asana with resistance training. It was very interesting. Basically, you get into a pose, like triangle, with one small weight in each hand. Then you make some movement, like opening and closing your arms while in Triangle. It was really unique, and felt great. That's one of my favorite things about asana. You can get one kind of enjoyment and benefit from holding a pose for a really long time, and another set of benefits and enjoyment from constant motion.

The workouts I've been doing from Fit TV are not all yoga based. And I've definitely noticed strength. However, it's interesting how combining any other workout with yoga can change your practice. My core strength has improved, and my arms, upper back, and shoulders are stronger. But, I've lost flexibility in my shoulders as interlacing my fingers behind my back and straightening my arms is REALLY hard for me now. I go back and forth on being an asana purist. Some times I feel like doing any other workouts is contradictory or disadvantageous to both the mental and physical benefits of the practice. Other times, I feel a synergistic effect. Probably has more to do with my state of mind than the reality of things.

Fit TV

2009-11-25T11:22:00.002-05:00

Last night I found out that channel 68 on our cable line-up is called "Fit TV". My first thought was, "well, that is an interesting oxymoron!". When I saw that it is a bunch of work-out shows where you can follow along with the TV, and exercise in the comfort of your living room or bedroom, I was weirdly excited. These shows are so oddly artificial, yet somewhat addicting. I ended up working out with my TV for a lot longer than I meant to, just to see what would happen next. I think I'll add this to my exercise routine for a while, because it is nice to have someone else tell you what to do and when. And the movements are so different from what I'm doing in my yoga practice. Plus, I feel like my TV owes me for the hours it has sucked out of my life. It's about time TV started pitching in and doing something useful!

I can't even being to say how much I am enjoying Triangle Yoga. So glad to have found a studio, and a kula, here in Chapel Hill. Everyone is really nice, and the atmosphere is a lot less competitive than what I experienced in Austin. The teachers are extremely qualified, and the classes I've taken so far have been wonderful.

Hoping to keep a daily practice through Thanksgiving, so I'll post again soon.

Core Power Yoga

2009-11-23T10:29:00.002-05:00

Took a great class over the weekend at Triangle Yoga called "Core Power Yoga". I'm attending as many classes there as I can squeeze into my schedule so that I can meet the other instructors and see what the classes are like. This one was really great because it was so different from Ashtanga that it made me work new muscles, and old muscles in new ways. I've always found it amazing that no matter how long you have been practicing Ashtanga, and no matter how much endurance you have for the series, another yoga class can come along and kick your butt. For example I'm always humbled in Anusara classes, where we hold warrior for what seems like forever, and my thigh is SCREAMING at me, and every ounce of me wants to flow and to move on!

Had visitors over the weekend, and didn't get to practice other than the above mentioned class. I feel crappy today as a result. I can't believe how fast I've wanted/needed my daily practice. I feel cloudy, sluggish, and generally pissed off today...going to class tonight at 5:45, thank goodness.

Hurts so good!

2009-11-17T11:14:00.002-05:00

Last night I completed a half primary (through navasana), including all surya namaskar, all standing, all finishing, and all vinyasas, in about 45 minutes. I have no idea what happened between Sunday and yesterday, but the practice felt really good for the first time since I came back to it. However, it took a few hours for me to recover from practice, and today I am a walking zombie!

I think I'll go over to triangle yoga today or tomorrow for my first group class in a long time.

Day 4, back in the swing of things

2009-11-13T16:19:00.002-05:00

Today will be the fourth consecutive day of getting back to my Ashtanga practice. I was amazed at how much strength and stamina I had lost over the past several months of not practicing; however, I am equally amazed how fast it is coming back to me. On day one, I was winded during Surya Namaskara B, had trouble even lifting up, much less jumping back during the primary series, and could not lift my toes off the ground to come into sirsasana with straight legs. Yesterday (on day 3) I made it through standing before breaking a good sweat, could lift my legs halfway up to sirsasana, and can do a two-part jump back during vinyasas where my feet momentarily support my weight on the way back. This progress is propelling me forward, and I find myself daydreaming about the practice during the day. I missed the physical practice, but even more I missed the commitment and the mental aspects that inevitably come along with it.

I do notice that I am tired during the day, just like I was when I first began practicing Ashtanga yoga. I sleep really deeply at night, and feel in general a bit run down. I remember this takes a little while to pass, but that it eventually does. Can't wait to leave work, and get onto the mat.

No Teacher, then BE the Teacher

2009-11-10T14:02:00.003-05:00

I have always subscribed to the 'inner guru' idea that your greatest teacher is within. Sometimes, however, my inner lazy person is at odds with my inner guru! But I'm moving my practice forward without a teacher at the moment, and while it is slow going, at least it is going! :)

Also, because of the need for Ashtanga teachers in this area, I decided to look for a nearby studio to teach at. I'll be teaching "Ashtanga Fusion" at Triangle Yoga here in Chapel Hill. I'm really excited to get to know the community around here, and to get back to teaching.

Just got Kino MacGregor's Intermediate series in the mail this weekend. Going to start moving through series at home. This should be interesting ;)

Oh, and as an update to the hip stuff I posted about a while ago, the right hip is feeling much better, after taking it easy, and doing gentle stretches on that side for months...but now the left hip is feeling EXACTLY how the right one was a while ago! So, I'm just going to try to work it out through the practice. Crazy hips.

Ok, seriously back this time!

2009-11-03T10:29:00.002-05:00

Completed the PhD, moved back to Chapel Hill, NC for a post doctoral position. Have no teacher here, so I am practicing to Kino MacGregor's DVDs, which are pretty great.

Took WAY too much time off from this practice, my body is tight. I feel like I am worse off than when I started the practice years ago. Could be due to the amount of walking and biking I'm doing, now that I'm living so close to work. I'm hoping that like relearning from a book, this will come back twice as fast as it did the first time. There are parts that never left, like sirsasana, ujjayi, trikonasana, and sarvangasana.

Ordered the intermediate series DVD today, so that when my practice is back, I can work on second from home as well. That will be interesting without a teacher!

I was so blessed in Austin to have so many wonderful Ashtanga teachers available. It's a case of you don't know what you have until it is gone. I did a search today, and there are VERY few ashtanga classes in Chapel Hill, may have to venture to Durham or Raleigh.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

2009-06-12T07:54:00.002-05:00

My husband and I spent a week in the Bahamas with family to celebrate after my last post. We stayed in Grand Bahama at West End, and then Port Lucaya. I am awestruck by the people there. So friendly and happy!

Returned to Austin on June 8th, and started slowly integrating my practice back into my life with sun salutations, random poses, basically whatever I felt like doing at each moment. I discovered something unsettling. Supta Badha Konasana (Reclined Bound Angle) is impossible now. At first I thought it was tightness in the hips, but the left hip has been opening, and the right one is pain, not tightness. I cannot externally rotate it very far without some serious pain deep in the hip. Am worried it could be a labral tear...but don't want to go to the doctor or PT just yet.

Luckily, this pain only comes in external rotation in Supta Badha Konasana, Badha Konasana, and all other poses so far, it is okay. So, I will continue with gentle yoga for the immediate future until I gain strength and stamina. :)

I'm Back....

2009-05-28T12:37:00.003-05:00

from the longest blogging hiatus ever! (well that's probably not totally true, but it was a long time).

I had to streamline life for a while as I completed my PhD. Now that it is finished, I feel ready to get back to this blog with the attention it deserves.

Yoga also took a backseat to finishing my degree, I hope to pick up my daily (or at least several times weekly) practice, and you will all be the first to hear about each step along the way.

The first step, which maybe wasn't the best way to EASE back in, was to take a hot yoga class at Yoga Vida 707. This was last week, and I was sore for at least 4 days...crazy...strength and stamina, GONE.

Looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.

Get out there and VOTE!

2008-11-04T08:58:00.002-05:00

If you are in the US reading this post,

GET OUT AND VOTE TODAY :)

Thank you.

Ah, the details...Don't sweat the small stuff?!

2008-10-09T16:12:00.003-05:00

Every so often I get absolutely obsessed with jumping through and back. I can jump through with shins crossed and I can jump back with a tiny pause where my toes touch the mat. So, you can guess that I have been reading the blog "Ashtanga Jump Back" often :)

Yesterday he posted a video by Sadie Nardini that demonstrates "Shakti" kicks that can help build strength for jumping back and through, and floating in general. So I watched it, and then I watched many many others of her videos on You Tube. Fun stuff. I did the kicks yesterday, and I am super sore in my serratus anterior muscles, and other back and shoulder muscles. It's so funny, I know that floating is not important, I have developed perfectly acceptable modifications so that I don't lose my flow in the practice....but when I see someone doing it, I want it so bad!

We will see how long this phase lasts this time :)

Interesting

2008-09-19T13:42:00.003-05:00

I just heard "Beautiful Day" by U2, and was taken back, very vividly, to Johnny Kest's Detox Flow. He was BLASTING this song while everyone in the room was flowing to their own breath. Weird. I guess that was an important moment for me, to associate it so strongly, so quickly to that song. If anyone else reading this was there, go listen to that song, maybe turn it up a little louder than usual. I'm curious if you will have the same experience ;)

108th post

2008-09-18T09:55:00.002-05:00

I went to another Anusara intensive last night with Christina Sell, super fun stuff. We worked on the inner spiral of the legs, with a focus on keeping the shins/calves stable to isolate and open the hips. We did poses/variations that I have never seen in person! Loved it.

Christina made a quick comment about how to beginners in an alignment based form of yoga (like Anusara), the details can seem overwhelming. It was like she was talking specifically to me :) I have not felt so judgemental of myself in a yoga class in a while. I have not yet figured out how to isolate many subtle muscles/movements. It is like starting asana all over again, when I had no awareness/connection to many large muscle groups, except now it is much more subtle.

It is a good opportunity for me to observe my thoughts, and keep a sense of humor about them. I've heard people say that "who you are on the mat is who you are off the mat". Sounds silly, but I really started to notice how true that is, I am competitive, judgemental, full of ego, but also, observant, devoted, analytical, and searching for transformation.

Taught a led primary immediately after again. Decided to "take it up a notch". Realized I was becoming to comfy in the role of a teacher who coddles her students. So there was a lot less demo-ing, and a lot less language like "if you feel comfortable..." We'll see how it goes, but I realized I need to hand some of the responsibility to the student.

Things are going well in lab. Had a meeting with my boss this past weekend, about my graduation timeline. We came up with a very reasonable plan to finish up my graduate career, and if all goes well, I'll graduate in (or before) May. It was a great meeting, where I found out that he agrees with me that I've done enough to start writing my dissertation up very soon. It was quite a relief considering he is very hard to read, and could have just as easily told me the opposite. I was ready to defend myself, and present my reasons why I thought I was ready, all this pent up aggression, and I didn't need it at all!

I'm in the process of writing up my second first-author project for publication. I'm flying solo. I'm getting the article to the point where I would be happy submitting it to a journal, and then handing it over to my boss for review. It is actually a fun process, I am such a dork!

It has been really challenging finding a balance amongst all this. The closer I get to graduation, the more in love with Neuroscience I get, the more time I want to spend at lab, and reading the literature. However, I'm more "in love" than ever with yoga. Teaching and practicing. I'm at a place where I feel like I am doing both things half-assed. There just aren't enough hours in the day. But the bottom line is I need both in my life, and am not willing to give either up, so I need to figure out a way to be okay with the way things are :)

Anusara Intensive

2008-09-11T22:58:00.002-05:00

I managed to make it to the second installment of the "Anusara Intensive" at Seventh Street Yoga last night with Christina Sell. It was so fun. I think the concepts were basic to those familiar with this form of yoga, but for me, a newbie, it was absolutely perfect. I am so sore in muscles in my back that I didn't even know I had :) I'm so looking forward to next week.

I had to teach a led Ashtanga class immediately after, and my muscles were fatigued. I had 5 people in the class who had not taken an ashtanga class before, so I needed to demo a lot. It was funny because I was shaking and quivering, I bet they thought I was a weenie! :) It was a fun class nonetheless, with a lot of excitement and energy in the students.

This weekend is Hurricane Ike. I'm dreaming up sequences to practice from home since I don't think any studios will be having class. Any suggestions for poses appropriate for hurricanes? :) Nakrasana? Matsayasana? Apanasana? :)

Life in the fast lane...

2008-09-08T20:59:00.003-05:00

I had the pleasure of taking a workshop with Johnny Kest this weekend. It was a vinyasa flow class called "Sweat and Tears: Detox Flow". It was, for lack of a better phrase, BAD ASS. We spent the first hour of the class doing the following flow (after a 20 minute meditation on loving kindness, which was beautiful):

Inhale - sweep arms up
Exhale - lateral bend
Inhale - reach up
Exhale - lateral bend other side
Inhale - reach up
Exhale - fold forward, vinyasa to
Navasana
Exhale, lower half way
Inhale, Navasana, repeat three times
Inhale cross shins, vinyasa to,
tripod headstand
balasana
Ustrasana spirals, right side, then left side, repeat three times
Exhale to -downward dog
Inhale right foot forward for warrior one on right side
Exhale - Warrior 2 on right side
Inhale - Reverse Warrior
Exhale - Triangle
Inhale - Revolved Triangle
Half Moon
Revolved Half Moon
Warrior 3, transition without touching foot down to
Tree Pose, then
Garudasana, then
Warrior 3,
vinyasa, repeat Warrior 1 through second warrior 3 on left side
vinyasa to tadasana

REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT, etc. one inhale or exhale per pose.....I was sweating in sheets. Literally, the most I have ever sweat in my life. Hands down.

Ten minutes or so of loving kindness meditation, during which I fulfilled the other promise of the title of the class and wept.

Then after this hour he said, "Okay now we can begin class, you may want to rehydrate...."

Then we left the "warm up" for the detox flow... lots of twisting and lunging.

The class whipped me. Broke me down, brought me to places that I was able to learn things about myself that are usually deeply buried. It was an experience not to be missed. Being broken down, until all the walls fall, and you are naked and ready. To go through the door.

Anyway, the only problem is, I'm now having trouble finding anything that compares :) All other classes, even the ones that seemed challenging, seem like they are happening in slow motion. My thirst for deepening my practice is unquenchable. And that's fun.

Okay, I know this sounds silly...

2008-08-24T22:08:00.003-05:00

but I got a buzz from the produce department. Hmmm....

Okay, so here's the story. My husband and I decided to stop on the way home and pick up ingredients to make a fresh/healthier pizza. We walked into Central Market and got pizza dough, skim mozzarella, wine, and then made our way over to the produce department. I was super exhausted, as usual, from another rough week at the lab. When we walked into the produce department, I immediately started to feel better. And not just better, but great, high even! And I wanted to touch, smell, be with all the produce. Sounds really weird, I know, but the prana coming off all those fruits and veggies gave me a huge pick me up. I felt soooo good! Either that, or they pump drugs through the vents ;)

On Saturday we got to spend some quality time with a couple of close friends, Jesse and Meg. It was so good to see them. We had a long leisurely lunch, and caught up. We hadn't seen them in forever! I hope it isn't as long before the next time :)

Conversation

2008-08-19T13:13:00.003-05:00

I was chatting with a friend this weekend about the sometimes paradox of teaching yoga classes. It is obvious the students want to "get something out of the class" and "progress". I know most do, I do too as a student. Ironically, the thing to "get" is that you don't need to "progress" or "get anything"....and how to give a good class, where people want to return and yet emphasize that they are already all they need to be and so much more, is beyond me!

Anyway teaching is still blowing my mind on a regular basis. Loving it.

Fun with Yoga

2008-08-05T09:46:00.002-05:00

I've put all my eggs in one basket. After next Sunday I will only be teaching at the downtown studio. The multi-location larger than life studio chain is not working out, too many teachers, too few classes, so I gave up my only class (Hatha) I was teaching with them. The energy of the smaller studio is so much more my speed.

So now I'm teaching the one mysore and two led primaries. The mysore class is SLOW going, in terms of getting people to show up. Most students at this studio don't know what it is, and are intimidated by the idea of a silent practice. I can totally relate, it took me over a year to get up the guts to go, and my first class was terrifying. I think that was mostly the teacher, who didn't welcome me or help me even though I said it was my first mysore class, but anyway. So, I print out cheat sheets of the whole primary series, and I encourage people in my led classes to try it, saying I can work with them one-on-one, but maybe that's scary too?

I'm practicing both Ashtanga and Anusara regularly. LOVING the anusara classes. Handstand, headstand, and forearm stand in one class, Yes Please!:) Also the heart openers are so good too, I'm hoping my backbend will open up soon. I do feel some shifitng, like more fascia pulling across the length of my stomach from hips to ribs in Urdhva D, soreness across my chest from spreading my collarbones, and strength and soreness in the back muscles. Plus the variety in the sequencing is really fun.

My day job at the lab is really crazy right now, too. Experiments on top of experiments, I'm drowning in work. So this makes me finding time to practice more difficult but all the more necessary. I've decided that I will practice every other day, at least, and that there is no room for negotiation!

Hope you are all having a nice week :)

Can't.....give.....in.....

2008-07-31T09:15:00.002-05:00

To the 100 post curse. I have to push on :)

It has been over 100 degrees here for a long time. Summer in Texas is intense! The thing is, I feel calmer than I have in a while, and I wonder if the heat is burning up my anxiety and unrest. I'm not really doing anything else differently.

Teaching has been taking off. I'm teaching four classes a week now. One mysore, two led, one hatha. Whew! I love it. I feel busy but energized. The best part is, there is a class before or after every class that I teach that I like to take. So it keeps me practicing at least three times a week or so.

I'm really loving teaching that hatha class. It wasn't that long ago that I posted here about my worries with teaching that class. Interestingly, teaching hatha opened up my personal practice. I'm now practicing Ashtanga and Anusara regularly. I have to say they complement one another very nicely! I'm even enjoying writing sequences for my hatha class, the part I dreaded most at the start. Every so often I'll find myself teaching led Ashtanga, and wanting to throw in my own stuff....I resist, but having that urge at all is pretty funny to me :)

Alright, more soon, Thanks Alfia for pushing me along :)

100 Post Curse? - Momentarily Offline

2008-07-24T11:42:00.001-05:00

I noticed that my last post to this blog was my 100th post! :)

And then I totally lost all steam to keep posting. I think because I've been working full time at the lab, teaching 5 classes a week, and trying to squeeze in practice and life in between.

As a result, chances are good that I won't post too often until things slow down.

Washington DC at last

2008-07-08T12:33:00.003-05:00

I was fortunate enough to travel to Washington DC for a conference this past week. The conference is called RSA or "Research Society on Alcoholism".

It is my favorite yearly conference because this is the one that is solely focused on alcohol research. All the talks and presentations apply directly to my research in some way. It is very different from the larger conferences where there are only a few talks that seem interesting. Everyone reunites once a year, and it is like seeing family. And it is inspiring to see how many people share the common goal of researching about alcohol. I presented some data, too, and that seemed to go over well. :)

I hadn't been to DC since I was 7 or 8 years old, so I didn't remember very much about the city. I fell in love with it over this week. We stayed downtown, so we could walk to a lot of fun sights, restaurants, and shops, and the metro got us anywhere else we needed to go. I've never lived in a city that had such good public transportation, and now that I know how great it is, that will be a factor in the next place I move.

There wasn't time for much else besides the conference, but I was able to squeeze in an afternoon with Alfia! It was great to finally meet her. She was kind enough to show me around the lab at the NIH and then took me to Great Falls state park. (Which is absolutely beautiful, I highly recommend it, apparently really good for rock climbing, too). Aflia is such a lovely person with a huge heart. She teaches free classes at the NIH for her co-workers! Even though we had only met this one time, she took the afternoon off to show me around. We spent time talking about science and yoga, and she showed me some nifty tricks to open up the hips for Supta Kurmasana. :) Can't wait til the next neuroscience conference in DC this november!

Next time I am in DC I am going to make it a goal to go to "Georgetown Yoga" and "Ashtanga Yoga Center". And I'm sure I'll write about it here.

Yucky! Fun! and Turtles!

2008-06-23T10:33:00.002-05:00

I was sooo sick for the past few days! Some kind of flu or bug or something.

I haven't been sick like that since I was a kid! So glad it is over.

I'm traveling to DC on Thursday for a conference. I'm hoping to meet up with Alfia for yoga and science! Ooooh, fun!

So, this question is pretty played out, but I'm still struggling with Supta Kurmasana feeling in any way comfortable...For those of you who had to work at it, and open up the body to get into this pose...Any tips on what to do to open up the body. Should I hang out while watching TV each night holding my leg behind my head one at a time? Should I dislocate my hips? JK ;)

Anusarashtangi

2008-06-13T21:39:00.002-05:00

Huh.

I went to my second Anusara class ever tonight. The first one was almost two years ago, and I hated it. All the details, all the concern over alignment, etc.

Well I went to my second one tonight, and I don't know if it was the atmosphere or the teacher or me being ready to receive it, but I freaking loved it. LOVED IT.

I even had my first emotional release during savasana. Small bubbles of sadness breaking the surface. I feel like I unloaded some baggage, and I can only figure that all that heart opening was good for me. I must hold my vulnerability and anxiety in my chest. I am working on mobility in my upper back and chest lately because I find that area to be very inflexible. I think Anusara may be a perfect complement to my Ashtanga practice :) Hurray!

I also think it was fun to practice poses that I usually don't. At one point the teacher was like, "Okay everyone take a partner, and work on Pincha Mayurasana". I was grinning from ear to ear. Like I was being naughty.

I have a feeling there is more Anusara in my future :)

Chitta Vritti Meme

2008-06-08T12:56:00.002-05:00

At the request of my dear Alfia, I have posted the following, my first meme! :)

The rules:
1. Post the rules of the game at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read the player’s blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

What were you doing five years ago?

Working as a lab manager at Duke University in Durham NC, preparing to move to Austin, TX for my PhD

What are five things on your to-do list for today?
Dishes
Groceries
Practice
Go to Lab
Doggy Play Date

What are five snacks you enjoy?

Dried cranberries
Nuts
Edamame
Baked Lays
Oranges

What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?

Buy a house and car (let's get the selfishness out of the way)
Open a holistic wellness center
Travel A LOT
Support Research in various fields
Donate to a different charity every day

What are five of your bad habits?

Procrastination
Too much TV
Eating too much
Celebrity Gossip Blogs
Sleeping too much

What are five places where you have lived?
Florida
Wisconsin
North Carolina
South Carolina
Texas

What are five jobs you’ve had?

Projectionist at a movie theater
RA in college
Data Manager at a CRO
Salesperson at an Art Gallery
Research Scientist

These are the five people I tag:
I'm kinda late in the game, so I didn't tag anyone :) Am I bad ? ;)

Safety First

2008-06-04T09:23:00.002-05:00

I went to a wonderful Ashtanga workshop this weekend. It was called "Modifications and Injury Prevention". Sounds sexy huh? No seriously it was a really good workshop. We talked a lot about the relationship between the neck and low back, the low ribs and the low back, and ways to keep wrists, knees, low back, neck, and shoulders safe.

The main points that I took away are:
-If you want to open the upper back during backbending, and keep your low back from bearing the brunt, you can visualize tucking the low ribs back, drawing them towards the back, while lifting the sternum. Sounds impossible, but I felt an opening across the front of the chest that I hadn't before.
-If you have low back problems, keep the head an extension of the spine. For example, when folding forward during surya namaskara, the head stays exactly as it is when standing in tadasana. Instead of crunching the back of the neck and looking forward as you fold, which creates a deeper, more unsafe curve in the low back, keep the neck long, keep reaching through the crown of the head in a straight line with the spine at all times.
-In cataranga, make sure most of the work stays in the upper back instead of the front and tops of the shoulders by concentrating on gluing the shoulder blades to your back and drawing them down your back. I was sore sore in my serratus anterior muscles (just below the shoulder blades) from my cataranga. This small change is much safer for the shoulders and wrists.

It is going to take a while for all of these changes to become naturally assimilated into my practice. But it was really fun to be so present and active in the practice, instead of going through the motions, much more work, but much more fun!

To the Happy New Couple!

2008-05-28T14:50:00.002-05:00

I just returned from a week in Chapel Hill for my Mom's wedding. It was one of the most fantastic weeks I've ever had. We stayed at a new hotel on Franklin Street, with me, my hubby, my Mom and her fiance in the penthouse suite. We were surrounded by family and friends and spent every moment enjoying life to the fullest.

I was honored to be the matron of honor, and the ceremony was both beautiful and moving. It is so joyous to see two people truly in love, pledge this to one another, and share it with the people they are closest to. The reception was full of laughter and love, it was truly a magical day.

I'm back in Texas, gearing up to get back to work, both at the lab and at the two yoga studios here in town. It is bittersweet to be back, I realized that I miss my family and NC even more than I thought, I sobbed as the plane took off and carried us away. It is nice though to be sad because you love so much and are loved so much.

My mom and I have always been close, but this week took us to another level of closeness. We shopped, planned, got our hair cut and done, had manis and pedis, cuddled, shared our thoughts, ate and drank, and spent some serious quality time together. I also bonded even more closely to my new father-in-law who I'm already referring to as "Dad" :) I liked him very much right from the start, but I feel more and more love for him the more I get to know him. He takes very good care of my Mom and it is obvious he really really loves her.

To the happy new couple! I miss you already! Congratulations!

Ahhhh, So excited! :)

2008-05-20T11:24:00.003-05:00

So it isn't official yet, because I don't start until June. BUT, I am too excited not to write about it. It looks like I'll be teaching four led Ashtanga classes a week here in town.

I met with the owner, and the vibe was awesome! She and I seem to be on the same wavelength. I want to be a part of a studio that wants to build a community around it, and that is truly passionate about yoga, and not just money. She seems to want the same things ( as well as to make some money, I mean come on I get that :) ), and that is so exciting to me!

It is a beautiful space with bamboo floors and buddhas, and an energy that is very pure and soothing.

Ooooh I hope this isn't too good to be true! :)

Sake it to me!

2008-05-12T21:20:00.002-05:00

We had a sake tasting at my house this past weekend. It was supposed to be a theme party, like our beers of the world party a year ago. Turns out people get drunk fast when tasting lots of different kinds of sake...The beer party went til the wee hours of the morn....this one....everyone was gone by midnight;P It was fun though.

I had to teach the next morning at 9 am. I wrote out a complete class sequence just in case I wasn't in the best shape. Luckily I was very well behaved at the party and teaching class was fine. It is really interesting sequencing classes every week. It makes me appreciate the primary series that much more. I often struggle to put everything I think my students will need in one class, in a nice little package with a bow on it like the primary series...but I am not the yoga architect Guruji is :)

It really is fun to teach this class, I have a couple regulars that come every time, and even let me know when they won't be able to make it. That is pretty special to me, that they enjoy it enough to make the effort to come. It really is an honor and a pleasure to teach.

Leggo my Ego

2008-04-26T09:47:00.003-05:00

I've been struggling a lot with ego lately. I watched this movie "revolver" by Guy Ritchie, which sums it up quite nicely that our worst enemy is inside our head making us believe it is our best friend. It is insidious and ever so difficult to tease it apart from the truth. It seems the more aware I am of my ego, the more frustrated I am by its presence.

At work, I struggle with feeling competitive with others. If they learn to swim, I do not drown, so why would I be so threatened? I get angry at myself for feeling this way. I want to feel more love for those around me.

With yoga, I struggle with comparing myself to other teachers or practitioners. Again, their success does not impede my own, so why would I ever be bothered by it.

It has been pretty intense lately. I am hoping it has come to a frenzy point because I am confronting it. I am also hopeful that I am on the precipice of some great transformation. Last night at a party, a friend of mine did a brief tarot reading for me. My card was the wheel of fortune, which stands for truth, enlightenment, and the constancy of change. In the reading he said my mantra for now should be "I am now ready for the miracle of my lifetime". Boy am I ever.

Happy Weekend All!

Reunion

2008-04-17T11:30:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow my husband and I are going back to Chapel Hill, NC for a reunion. We are super excited!!! I can't tell you how much I miss the east coast. Anyway, it will be a weekend of fun, food, drink, and craziness.

I'm still running daily, and thanks everyone for the comments on how to keep my muscles long and flexy. Alfia, I think it was you who said that after a while the muscles would get used to it, and I would regain flexibility. You were very right, I'm glad I just keep pushing through.

Practice has been here and there where I can squeeze it in. I haven't been to a group mysore or led class in what seems like forever, but I'm really enjoying my private time :) Practice is always different when you are alone, I always seem to push myself harder and take risks I don't usually take in front of others. I think I'm afraid of embarrassing myself in a class.

Anyway, everyone have a wonderful weekend, I'll post on my return on Tuesday!

Publish or Perish

2008-04-14T17:11:00.003-05:00

Today I found out that a project that I have been working on for over three years is finally completed. After three frustrating submissions to the journal "Neuroscience", it was accepted today!

HURRAY!!!!!

It is also my first first-author paper. I am walking on cloud nine!

Homesick for a place I've never been (and for one that I have)

2008-04-10T10:14:00.004-05:00

I've been reading A LOT lately. I wasn't a reader really, until a couple of weeks ago. Except for a few phases in high school, I would read what I had to to get by in my classes and at work. But something happened and now I'm insatiable. Ordering books off Amazon in groups :) Groups of Neuroscience books, and groups of Yoga books, and mixed groups, oh my!

One common theme of my yoga related readings is the pilgrimage. I'm reading about these personal quests, and I have a longing to go on one myself. That is very much not an option right now, so I read about others', but it really feels like homesickness. I'd love to travel to an Ashram and study/practice yoga for months on end, but with a year left on my PhD, that is not an option. The funny thing is, I read these books because of my homesickness, and they only make it worse. Maybe I could take a pilgrimage without going anywhere, but that seems so much harder.

My husband and I are traveling back to Chapel Hill in just over a week. It is where we met, and where we dated, and where he proposed. It's no surprise that I have very fond memories of it. I'm homesick for that place, too. We have even been discussing moving back there once we have both graduated. Just the thought of it puts a smile on my face. The best part is that we are going there for a reunion of our friends from college. It will be like old times :)

Short practice last night. Still tight hamstrings and hip flexors, but I do feel a stability in my pelvis that hasn't been there before.

Tonight we are going to see The Kids In The Hall on tour. Really looking forward to that, it should be a good laugh. And apparently if you hang out after the show, they come out to sign things and take pictures with you!

Ooooooh - Tight Hammys!

2008-04-08T10:53:00.004-05:00

Practice this morning was not fun. My husband and I bought an elliptical machine for our home, because we are both busy, and want to be able to have a quick workout. So I've been running on it a lot lately, and my hamstrings, hip flexors, and quadriceps are TIIII-IIIGHT.

I like the cardiovascular fitness aspect of including this workout, it is much easier to keep a slow, fluid, controlled breath during Surya Namaskar for example. However, I'm not sure about this whole tightening up thing!

Any runners out there have any suggestions? I always do a long Paschimattanasana, Badha Konasana, and Supta Virasana after I run...but any other ideas would be greatly appreciated! :)

On the Roster

2008-04-01T20:11:00.003-05:00

I'm officially on the schedule at my favorite studio in town. It's a large studio, with four locations, 129 teachers total! It is an honor to be part of the community. However,......

I'm a brat and still found a reason to be unhappy with it. They gave me a Hatha class. I wanted to teach an Ashtanga class, but we have many many talented Ashtanga teachers, and I'm the new kid on the block. They all returned, so no Ashtanga class for me.

I can think of many reasons why I'll enjoy teaching Hatha, but it feels weird to teach something I don't practice. And yes, I realize Ashtanga can be considered a form of Hatha yoga, and that I can teach the same asanas....but I feel out of my element just the same. The mentality of the students is a bit different, and I'm afraid I won't be able to relate to them as well. I'm surprised by my own prejudice.

I can't help but think this must be happening for some reason. And in the past I've really enjoyed teaching Hatha classes, so I'm going to go forward whole-heartedly :) I feel really lucky to be able to bring yoga to anyone, in any form.

Enough ranting and raving. Namaste.

Okay, so now it is the sacrum

2008-03-17T18:18:00.003-05:00

Since I have been getting incredible advice from you guys and gals about my ailments, lets chat about one more.

Now, it's my sacrum. This time I injured it bowling of all places! I was bowling (which I haven't done in over 7 years) with a ball that was way too heavy for me (because it was a busy night and all the light ones were gone). And with the first roll, I felt the left SI joint separate, and owee!!!

So, I've been practicing anyway, and it really isn't bothering my practice...but does anyone have any tips on resetting or soothing the sacrum? :) And, anyone out there with this type of problem, which poses do you find irritate it?

Thanks to all! :) Namaste! And Happy St. Patty's Day!!!

Sternum in Supta Kurmasana

2008-03-09T10:29:00.002-05:00

Ouch! My sternum is sore! I've been trying to make a strong effort to open the chest (drawing the shoulders down and back) in Supta Kurmasana, but the pain is getting worse, I'm thinking my ribcage may crack in half! Anyone else experience this?

My blog has turned into a request for advice lately, I guess that is because I'm encountering new frontiers in my practice that I hadn't reached before.

Thanks for all the comments on standing up from backbends...going to work on it and get back to you! :)

Dropping Back

2008-03-07T12:58:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I never thought I'd say this, but.....dropping back is fun and feels lovely.

BUT< how the devil do you stand back up? :)

Morning Mysore

2008-03-06T11:25:00.003-05:00

For the past week almost I have been practicing morning Mysore with Russell Case and his wife Sally Evans. They are visiting, and have regular classes in Taipei. They are fantastic. If you get the chance to do a workshop or mysore or visit them, do it! :)

They work as a team, adjusting in what seems like every pose, and they are on the same wavelength, so from day to day, I'm not sure who gave the adjustment. Russell has managed to get me to do dropbacks by myself in the first four days of class.

It feels really good to practice Mysore style so early in the morning. Our mysore program was cancelled at my regular studio, so I'm going to have to switch, or get my butt out of bed and practice at home.

I'm teaching often. I gave up my permanent position at a studio in a small town north of Austin. It was a dance/yoga/massage/spanish tutoring/cpr training/etc/etc place, and I couldn't handle the owner's small-mindedness about yoga. The worst part was that she would talk about yoga as if she personally practiced it and would give advice/diagnose students.

Anyway, so now I'm subbing A LOT at Yoga Yoga here in town, and I'm loving it. It is nice to pick up classes when other parts of my life are slower, and resist the urge to sub when I don't have the time. I'm hoping to be on their regular schedule starting this summer, but we shall see if they have room. It also has a nice yogic community feel to it. People encourage chanting, instead of fearing it :)

Yoga, yoga, yoga

2008-02-13T14:08:00.004-05:00

February 1st-3rd I was fortunate enough to attend a weekend workshop with David Swenson. It was fantastic. I had only ever attended a mysore style class with him. He has the most wonderful way of making anything about Ashtanga yoga accessible. There were several asanas, or parts of asanas, or little issues that I was close to "getting", that I "got" over that weekend. I plan to do his 40 hour teacher training as soon as humanly possible.

February 9th and 10th I taught 5 yoga classes! A restorative, prenatal, ashtanga, hatha flow, and private lesson! I'll never do that again. It sounds wimpy, but teaching three classes in one day is just not comfortable for me. Maybe it comes with experience, but props to those of you who manage to teach so freaking often! I have three regular classes a week right now, and sub whenever I can squeeze it in. That is more than enough for me.

My practice is about three times a week right now, which feels perfect at the moment. Not too aggressive to aggravate my back, not too few and far between to regress. And it seems to be enough to keep my mind at an even keel.

Tonight, the hubby and some friends and I are going to a Yoga/Wine/Chocolate party at a Lululemon showroom. The event is free, so the hubby and I decided it is how we would celebrate Valentine's Day. I'm excited about it, and plan to buy a piece of clothing from the showroom, because I don't have any of theirs yet, but have heard good things....seems kinda pricey though. In the past I've found spending more money per item, and buying less items is the way to go...so we'll see.

It is so obvious

2008-01-15T14:57:00.000-05:00

It's obvious to me now that I avoid blogging about my practice when I am disenchanted with it. For the past couple months, I have not had a very regular practice. Here and there, and sometimes nowhere to be found.

So, as you have guessed, I am feeling a little better about it, so here I am blogging again. I went to a workshop this weekend with Russell Case and Sally Evans. That was a great way to kick start my practice back into gear. He is very insightful and focuses on the details of every movement in a way that I had never done before.

The morning mysore has been cancelled near me, so I will be venturing forth on my own, or in evening led classes. I'm okay with it, I like the freedom of the mixture.

Oh, and I'm finally teaching a couple led primary series classes every week. Really fun to have a regular gig!

30,000 Neuroscientists Walk Into a Bar....

2007-11-08T15:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, it wasn't a bar, it was a convention center in San Diego (see picture below). And there is no punchline to the joke, it was just a "clever" way to get you to read my post :)

I just returned from a conference called "Neuroscience" in San Diego. Over 30,000 scientists presenting the newest data, meeting with one another, talking with vendors of the newest products, and taking courses. It was crazy, overwhelming, and most of all, inspiring. I wasn't presenting any data myself, I was there to soak it all in. Every time I eavesdropped on a conversation anywhere near the convention center, I heard phrases like " the inhibitory action at the synapse", "C57/Bl6 mice differ from Jackson in their ethanol preference", & "dendritic spines experience local long term potentiation". Really cool to be around so many people with a common interest.

Now, I'm back in the lab, and raring to go with all the new things I've learned in the past week.

OH, and to include some yoga in this post. I did not manage to practice while I was there.... ;)

It has come to my attention....

2007-10-30T08:09:00.000-05:00

that I haven't posted in a while. so here goes :)

I registered for week 1 at the new shala in Florida in March. I have not yet met Guruji, so I am really excited about it. Anyone else going? It would be fun to meet some ashtangi.net folks :)

I've been working at the lab waaaaaay too much lately. 10 hrs a day, 7 days a week...when you include practice, this is a twelve hour day...include traffic and, well, I don't even want to think about it. I'm having trouble finding time to even eat...whew!

I hope you are all well.

Updates and Stuff

2007-10-13T17:51:00.000-05:00

The results of the MRI were really good. No damage to the bones or disks of my spine. It is a muscular issue. More physical therapy to come. I'm so relieved, I can handle the work of PT.

In other news, this is really silly to be excited about, but I just kicked up into handstand for the first time (well the first time in 20 years). I have a thing about inversions...so it was fear, but I just did it here in my bedroom, and it was really fun!

I've been assisting M, teaching Mysore classes. I'm learning soooo much about adjustments and how to best teach the sequence, especially to beginners. I'm hoping to start teaching my own classes in January.

My practice seems to be slowly coming back as well. I'm currently doing through the Marichi's without skipping any vinyasas, and the back feels solid. My backbends are coming back, too. I'm doing morning Mysore again, after a brief stint in led evening classes.

Hey, anyone have any tips on how to work on opening the shoulders so the hands can touch in Prasarita Padottanasana C? Either while in the pose, or as a prep for it? Oh, and while I'm at it, any tips to come to Sirsasana with straight legs?

Hope you are all having a beautiful weekend. Namaste.

Magnetic Resonance

2007-10-03T06:47:00.000-05:00

Today I am meeting with a doctor to review my MRI ... I can really relate to people who don't like to see a doctor ever, because they don't want to know... even if something is going on, no news is good news.

My audition to teach ashtanga for a local studio went well. I feel I am being groomed to start on their schedule in the spring. They have scheduled me for a couple weekend workshops with well-known ashtanga teachers for free! They say it is on an "educational credit". And I am mentoring with M.

If this post seems kind of bland...that is because I had five hours sleep last night...booo. I usually get 8 at least, and I like it that way. I feel fuzzy.

I'm not as serious as you

2007-09-19T15:24:00.000-05:00

I've been taking led classes in the evenings lately. I've been skipping out on morning mysore, partly to practice with my hubby, and partly because I've missed the group energy of the led class. But for some reason, and I'm sure it is all me imposing this feeling on myself, I feel less serious about my practice. Like I'm no longer "hardcore" and what not.

I'd like to take a poll, leave a comment if you would be so kind: Do you practice Mysore style in the AM or led classes any time of day?

Also, in your comment, if you want to be even kinder: Do you think that Mysore style classes in the AM are more "hardcore" than the led ones?

And by hardcore, I mean more devoted, more serious about the practice, all around a more committed ashtangi :)

Walking in Tadasana

2007-09-13T13:17:00.001-05:00

After seeing the chiropractor yesterday, I've decided that I absolutely have to improve my posture. This hunching over at my desk, hunching over the lab bench, hunching over while in bed with my laptop, etc etc has got to stop...I realized today I even hunch over when walking! I am what my chiro calls "head forward". Granted it isn't a huge shift forward, but apparently every millimeter forward, the load on your back, especially upper back (ah ha!) is exponentially increased.

As a result, I have made a new resolution to walk in tadasana. This is really strange and even more difficult. When I place my head over my shoulders, over my hips, over my sits bones, over my ankles, it feels like I may fall backward, yet when I catch a glance of my reflection I am perfectly upright. I'm finding that my core tightens up much more...and I feel as though I'm thrusting my hips forward, but I'm not. And then when I let myself fall back into my old habit of walking from walking in tadasana, I realize just how bad my posture is...it is a dramatic difference.

Next week...sitting, sleeping, cartwheeling, showering, running, biking, in tadasana!

Ah Marichi, how I have missed you.

2007-09-10T20:47:00.000-05:00

Today M gave me through Mari C. Hurray! I really missed the shoulder opening and binding in the marichi's.

My husband sent me an email in the middle of the day that read "I want to go to E's 7:30 pm on Thursday and M's 10:30 am on Saturday". Yippee! These will be his second and third led classes ever. Going to these led classes with him is harder than I remember led classes to be. I don't know if I work harder because of the group energy, or they are just faster, but I am surprised by how tired I get!

Hey anybody own the Prana Goucho's? I am considering them, but am worried they are useless for ashtanga...hmmmm, headstand in flared legs....I see london, I see france :)

Hurray!

2007-09-06T15:48:00.000-05:00

My husband asked me to "ashtanga him" last night. I think maybe he has caught the bug :) I called the postures through warrior 1, and then we did yoga mudra, padmasana, and utiplutih to close.

My practice continues. Slowly, slowly. One by one we go. I am still doing primary through Janu C with only very mild discomfort. The thought occurred to me today while in savasana that soon I may have to get up earlier and work harder! In all my worrying about my back, I didn't realize that I was really getting used to my little practice :)

Like a Virgin...

2007-09-04T19:55:00.000-05:00

Sore for the very first time...

That sounded gross...My husband and I went to an ashtanga led primary yesterday during free yoga day here in Austin. He emailed me today to say how sore he is. There is nothing like the soreness you feel your first few hundred times of a led primary class.

That was his first Ashtanga class ever! Other than me walking him through surya a & b and a few poses from standing here in our house. It was really fun to share it with him and I secretly hope the bug got him the way it did me after my first class.

Wow!

2007-08-31T10:55:00.000-05:00

I am actually going to blog about my practice! It has been a while since I did that, but that is because there hasn't been much to blog about until recently. Hmmm...didn't think I'd ever use blog as a verb...but there I go.

Anyway, I have been practicing through Janu Sirsasana C lately. I'm nervous about entering the Marichiyasanas because of the twists, it will be interesting to see how my upper back holds up. Although parivrtta trikonasana and parivrtta parsvakonasana haven't been bothering it.

It feels really good to have that as a constant in my life right now. I was feeling a little down about not practicing full primary, and M (my teacher) told me that I shouldn't worry about it because I am just getting back into things, and that coming everyday is enough. She is right about that.

Graduation!

2007-08-27T15:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was YTT graduation. I can't believe how fast that went! 9 months of training, done. I'm already thinking about my 500 hr......and then realizing that I am insane.....

Nothing else to report at the moment. I will write again very soon.

The light at the end of the tunnel

2007-08-13T11:47:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine (Hi Jesse!) once said that sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. I hope that isn't the case for me! :)

Thinking positively, I believe I am coming to the end of a couple of tunnels in my life. I just got word from YTT that I am set to graduate on time, on August 26th.

Also, my back is thinking about submitting to my will and calming down. I can take a deep breath today, and it feels like nothing is wrong...I hope it holds!

I spent a lot of time with my kula this weekend. It was really nice... Then I spent some time with some non-yoga folks....It was interesting... I feel like the more I get into yogic lifestyle, the more I refuse to live a non-yogic one. Let me explain. I was watching a bunch of college-aged kids play beach volleyball. There were young women in teeny weeny bikinis, and bronzed dudes without shirts picking fights with one another to impress said teeny weeny bikinis. Now of course part of my reaction to them is me feeling like that time in my life is past, no more teeny weeny bikinis for me, no more tanning for the hell of it, no more getting impressed by dudes picking fights...but another is that I feel like these kids are missing the point. And then I feel I can't relate to them....and then I just want to go back to my kula :) But I believe that these uncomfortable situations are opportunities to practice.

On the flip side, I do feel like yoga has helped me relate to many people better. I'm not running around assuming people won't understand my point of view, in fact I feel like I understand theirs much more and that allows me to love them. Sometimes it is just so much easier to hang out with my kula, knowing we are all on a similar path with similar goals. It is easy to be around people who love you unconditionally. And it is fun to be around people that you deeply care about as well.

Okay, I'm rambling...so enough for today! Namaste :)

So Close and yet So Far

2007-08-06T18:49:00.000-05:00

The last full weekend of YTT was this weekend. Wow. We started the weekend with a "share circle" which was interesting, when it was my turn, I found myself crying in front of 40 people. It was okay though because I was crying as I was telling them all how much I love them, and how much I hope we actually keep in touch, instead of just saying we will. Teacher training has been incredible, and I can't believe it is coming to an end. Definitely one of the best experiences of my life. I think the best part has been that the more I've learned, the more I've realized that we already know the answers, we just have to find them within ourselves.

Training was mostly teaching each other asana all weekend. It was a lot of practice, and my back seemed to hold up. I've continued to practice in the mornings as well and have had chiropractor appointments every couple of days. She told me this morning that she thinks things are getting better. But only time will tell :)

I hope you are well, Namaste.

The little engine that could

2007-08-02T13:49:00.000-05:00

I'm continuing to practice daily. I'm not willing to give it up again. I'm seeing the chiro three times a week; she says to expect some progress in about two weeks, we'll see :)

Results...

2007-07-30T18:26:00.000-05:00

That sneaky vertebra had slipped back out. The Chiro gave me a bunch of adjustments, exercises, and appointments for this week.

Back to Square One

2007-07-29T17:19:00.000-05:00

Something has gone horribly wrong this weekend with the spine. I have an appointment tomorrow morning with a Chiropractor, and I will post the results here.

I should switch from ashtangi.net to vertebralsubluxation.net! But please don't make me :)

Heppy Bday!

2007-07-29T17:18:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday dearest Guruji
Happy Birthday to You

Trucking Along

2007-07-27T13:27:00.000-05:00

I have practiced every morning since last Sunday, and boy what a difference a week makes. M is building me up slowly, I'm still doing Surya's, Standing, & Finishing. She says next week we will start adding asanas. I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel to be practicing again.

Also, I was officially discharged from physical therapy on Thursday. The PT gave me some exercises to keep doing on my own. Physical therapy is fascinating to me. If only there were more hours in the day, I would probably like to go to school for that too! I think I have a problem, I want to learn about everything! I would be in school for many lifetimes if I let myself pursue all the fields I wanted to.

I would like to be trained in:

-chinese medicine
-massage therapy
-physical therapy
-counseling
-ayurvedic medicine
-neuroscience
-yoga

Yeah, so I need more money and time!

Day Two

2007-07-23T15:17:00.000-05:00

This morning was my second ashtanga practice. It was also very nice. I was really really sore from yesterday! My back was bothering me the tiniest bit after practice, but by a couple hours later it had calmed down. I think it is all about endurance now, both my spine and I need to build up some stamina !

I can't believe YTT graduation is August 25th. It is so close! How time flies! I remember how much trouble I had deciding whether or not to enroll. The time and money seemed like too much of a commitment, and now I can't even imagine not having gone on this journey.

Smile, You are on Candid....Yoga

2007-07-22T10:25:00.000-05:00

I'm back on the wagon :) Yesterday I taught a led primary, went to an Ashtanga for teachers workshop, (which continues today), then this morning I had my first practice in six weeks. It was delicious. M suggested I do through standing and then back bends and closing. So I did that, but I did it really slowly, savoring every moment.

So the workshop was very spontaneous, in that I have been out of the loop and didn't know it was going on. I came out of the led primary I was teaching, and the workshop was starting, so I signed up and ran into the room. Today I will be leading all the teachers through primary. That is a little intimidating for some reason. But I am excited about it.

My husband and I have starting training for the Men's Health Urbanathalon in NYC in September. I haven't ever tried running and yoga in the same time period. I wonder how long it takes to start tightening your hammys and psoas, and quads, etc... Any advice on that ?

Ooooh, and while I'm on the topic of advice. I've taken on a client for private yoga instruction. She is just entering her second trimester. I have some experience teaching prenatal yoga, but not a lot. Anyone with experience in this want to comment on their favorite poses for this type of instruction?

Wide Awake and Dreaming

2007-07-18T12:09:00.000-05:00

Last night as I was having trouble falling asleep I found myself trying to figure out why I always let my mind race as I go to sleep. During the day I have vigilance for my thought patterns, and I try to keep them healthy and in the moment. But for some reason at night, I lose my will and the thoughts pour out.

I found myself worrying about things so far off in the future, they may never happen. That is so silly. Let's worry about things that may not even happen! I mean, come on!

Anyway, instead of entertaining this nauseating game any longer, I decided to practice a little mindfulness. And I found that my vicious thoughts were taking me out of the most lovely experience.

As I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, the fan was on and producing the most sweet subtle breeze. The sheets felt so soft and comfortable. I had my husband breathing in sync with me by my side. I felt still and quiet and it was absolutely lovely. And I could have missed it because of citta vritti! Isn't it wonderful that liberation is by our sides at all times? So close that we can access it at a moment's notice.

Chicago. Part Deux

2007-07-15T21:21:00.000-05:00

I'm back from a fabulous trip to Chicago. I have to say that I really do now feel like a bonafide scientist! My work was very well received, and it really was a pleasure to present it to my colleagues.

Here's a pic of this "momentous" event!

While in Chicago, I followed a hot tip from Tim and went to Frontera Grill for lunch. It was fabulous! I had salmon in a chipotle cream sauce and roasted potatoes with a bed of micro greens covered in honey vinaigrette. YUMM.

Here's a pic of the bar area:

It was worth an hour wait, thanks for the advice Tim! :)

I also had the opportunity to sight-see a bit.
I saw Millennium Park:

The Museum of Contemporary Art:

And the skyline from the Planetarium:

Also, my back is starting to heal I think. The trip to Chicago was really good for me. The physical therapist says that from what he can tell, I am "90 %" healed...so now I just have to be careful not to jump in too fast!

While I was at the conference, I got an anonymous comment about how I am waaaay too hard on myself and that this may be manifesting in injury, and the advice to order "The Mind Body Prescription". I have to say that this comment really resonated with me, as I am very in to the mind/body connection as a neuroscientist yogini. I love the idea that our emotions manifest themselves in our physical body, and that the condition of our body can manifest in our mind in a reciprocal fashion. I am anxiously awaiting the book's arrival in the mail. Also, as an interesting coincidence, I have been focusing on self-love and acceptance in my meditations lately, so this comment really caught my eye. Why are we so hard on others, and even more hard on ourselves?

Anyway, I plan to post a lot more often again, now that the talk is over. I was investing a lot of time and energy into it, and it was all worth it!

Hope all is well with you.
Namaste.

Chicago

2007-07-06T08:16:00.000-05:00

Still in physical therapy. Many painful days since those pain free days I last wrote about. No asana for weeks now. It is interesting how much you learn about yourself in situations like these.

I leave for Chicago tomorrow for almost a week for a conference. I'm giving a talk about my research in front of an audience of 500. That should be interesting. It is so funny how this is my work that I have spent years of my life on, and I still feel a little like a phony when talking about it. Like some sneaky imaginary competent scientist comes in , does all the work, and then I get to pretend it is mine. I wonder how long you are in this line of work before you really feel like you deserve to be a part of things like this :)

I'll write when i return from Chicago, and hopefully I will be able to return to asana as well.

Namaste.

Connected

2007-06-21T21:05:00.000-05:00

I went to a very crowded cafeteria style room today for lunch with a couple friends. While they grabbed our lunches, I reserved a table by sitting and spreading my few belongings out to look like I had invisible friends at every seat. At first I felt pretty awkward. And then I started looking around at all the other tables of people. I usually ignore a crowd in that type of situation, but instead I decided to lean into the awkwardness. And I found that as I saw each person, met eyes with a few of them, that I was glad I was looking at them. I felt connected to them and happy that they were there. Isn't it funny that a crowd can either make you feel lonely or make you feel in touch, depending on how you react to it. Same crowd, different reactions.

Okay, enough of my esoteric rant. I just really enjoyed that feeling.

Today is the second pain free day in over six weeks. No asana for over two weeks. I see the physical therapist in the morning, and I'm praying he'll say that the vertebra has stayed in alignment.

I gave that talk yesterday. I got a really positive response, and that was very cool. I almost feel like a real, honest to goodness scientist. Almost :)

Physical Therapy in Lieu of Yoga Therapy...

2007-06-19T18:22:00.000-05:00

So, I'll be doing some strength building exercises for a week (or two, it's hard to tell with these kinds of things). I like having a plan to follow. That's probably one of the reasons I am drawn to ashtanga in the first place.

At work, I'm giving my first talk about my own data tomorrow morning. This will actually be a practice for a talk I'm giving in three weeks at a national alcohol research convention. It is really weird to have reached this milestone in my career. It feels good. Well, it feels good when it doesn't feel awful from me being nervous.

Thanks for all of the supportive comments everyone! :)

I'm sure some of you thought I was a slacker...

2007-06-18T16:15:00.000-05:00

Nope. I've been avoiding my blog on purpose....I've been really injured, and really angry.

For about six weeks now, I've had a pain in my upper back, on the left side, between my shoulder blade and my spine....It would go away, then come back, then go away, etc.... So I tried modifying, I tried being more mindful of keeping my shoulder blades flat on my back in chataranga, I tried to be more mindful of keeping my back straight and not hyper-extending in down dog, I tried taking some time off...and then the muscle spasms started...there was no more kidding myself, so I went to the doctor.

She sent me to a specialist and physical therapy. Turns out I had a vertebral subluxation...in english, a vertebra had rotated out of alignment. The PT popped it back in, and I went on about my life in a semi-crippled way from soreness, until the next day when I demo-ed a pose (very gently! I was being cautious) in a class I was teaching, and I heard a pop and felt excruciating pain...

Went to the PT this morning, and it had popped back out! So, now I'm on a strict "NO-YOGA" only physical therapy regimen...apparently the muscles around this particular area are weak and malformed after the 6 weeks of wear and tear and it is time to whip them back into shape...

So, yeah, I'm angry, and bitter, and I had to miss a weekend with Manju Jois this weekend, that I had already paid for.

Hmph.

I don't know if Ashtanga is too dangerous, or if I push too hard, or if I had a weak spot in my body that needed to be addressed...I hate to be in this place where I am considering switching lineages....I really doubt I will give it up, but seriously, I don't know how much more of this kind of thing I can take...

*EDIT* I just read back through my blog, and I've complained of this since MAY 10th! Geez...

Oh how I've missed the Atlantic Coast

2007-05-29T17:42:00.000-05:00

Living in the smack dab middle of texas (or the country for that matter) makes me feel so removed. And having grown up on the east coast, being this far away is hard. Luckily for Memorial Day weekend, my mom invited me and my husband out to Florida. It was one of the most perfect vacations I have ever had. Even managed to do a yoga photo shoot on the beach, I'll post some of the pics here soon! :)

The only negative is that I didn't practice for the past 5 days. Mysore in the morning should be interesting ! Thank goodness Thursday is a moonday.

You tagged me, you really tagged me ! :)

2007-05-23T15:25:00.000-05:00

Thank you Tim for tagging me! :) I was beginning to feel like the last kid to be picked for kickball teams! :)

Okay here goes:

1. While it may not surprise you that I read a lot of blogs, I also read a lot of celebrity gossip blogs like perezhilton.com . It's a habit I'm trying to give up, but geez they are strangely compelling!

2. In college, I used to play pool to supplement my income. They never saw it coming ;)

3. I am unusually sensitive to light and noise...I'm happiest in a dark or dimly lit room that is absolutely silent.

4. I tore my ACL on a trampoline when I was 15 years old at a friends house. She never spoke to me again because her family was so scared that mine would sue. We didn't.

5. I often feel like a phony at work. Like I am the only one there who doesn't belong. I keep promising myself that I'm going to spend all my spare time studying to try to "catch up" with everyone else.

6. My favorite meal is cheese pizza and champagne.

7. I have five parents. Dad, Step-Mom, Mom, Step-Dad, Ex-Step-Dad! Whew!

8. I have three tattoos, and plan to get another of the invocation in Sanskrit, when I graduate teacher training in August.

______________________________________________________
The rules - 1: Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves. 2: People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules. 3: At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. 4: Don't forget to leave them a comment and tell them they're tagged, and to read your blog.
______________________________________________________

I would like to tag:
Yoga Chickie
A Lotus Girl
Kayla (Mama Yogini)
Caroline (Ashtangi Aspirant)
Tiff (Yogini's Quest)
Xzar
Tabby Cat
EdHo

The Fountain

2007-05-21T14:48:00.000-05:00

I watched "The Fountain" last night on video. My husband and I have been bound and determined to see it, and we went to 6 video stores last night before we found one in stock. Popular film! And now that I have seen it I get why it was so hard to find. One of the very best films I have ever seen. I may be a little bit biased because I love Aronofsky and a lot of the themes were very yogic. I'm still going to stick my neck out there and highly recommend it.

I would go into why I love it so much, but that would include spoilers, and I don't want to ruin such a wonderful journey for any of you. But run, don't walk, to your local video store and rent it.

In Practice News: I'm having a funny feeling on the left side of my upper spine, and it is has been hanging out there for a couple weeks now. It seems like I always have something physically nagging going on. I spoke with Mary after class about it today, and she had a really beautiful way of putting it. She said that our bodies are carrying a history with them. From our ancestors and from our own lives. The practice helps to realign our physical (mental, and spiritual) body, and this process isn't always comfortable. After hearing this, I feel differently about the pain in my back, like I am letting some trauma go from this spot. She also told me that as the years pass, these nagging issues come fewer and farther between. I hope she is right ;)

Namaste everyone.

Dropbacks...Drop! Back!

2007-05-19T21:28:00.000-05:00

On Friday in morning mysore, Mary wanted me to start dropping back by myself....AHHHHHH!!!! I don't wanna!

Okay, now that the mild freakout is over...I really don't feel like I am ready. She has been assisting me, and I feel like she is doing all the work, and that when I do it myself, I am just going to fall on my head! I think tomorrow morning may be when I just have to go for it. I have a lot of fear in my practice. Headstand took way longer than it needed to, because I was scared of falling over, I don't jump-through properly because I'm scared I'll re-injure my shoulder. I've never attempted forearm stand (see headstand). And now, I can't seem to bring myself to make the drop.

I'm loving practice in spite of this fear. I've been given all the poses except setu bandhasana. Very cool.

I've started "teaching" classes fairly regularly. I have classes at my house, and I'm assisting with my second mentor. I'm surprised how much I'm going to have to get used to. Teaching is so much more complicated than I thought it was going to be. I look forward to having my own public classes where I can begin to feel more comfortable.

Hope you are all having a good weekend!

All Banged Up

2007-05-15T10:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, either I am the most clumsy person in the world, or I am pushing myself too hard. I have teeny weeny injuries all over the place! They consist of:

-Bruises on the sides of both elbows from my legs pressing my arms into the ground in Kurmasana
-A small sprain on my left foot from landing weird on the top of my foot while jumping through
-A very sore inside of my left knee from landing on it when jumping back from bakasana
-A sore upper left spine, maybe from the rounding of Kurmasana and Supta Kurmasana
-A sore left SI joint, from demo-ing revolved positions while teaching when not warm enough
-Sore lower back from drop backs

The thing is, despite all of these, I'm really enjoying my practice and am being given a new pose almost daily. And any one of these on their own wouldn't be so bad, but I feel so beat up that it is definitely forcing me to take it easier....I don't want to be that person in class that is always injuring themselves...thank goodness tomorrow is a moon day! :)

Injuries and Openings....

2007-05-10T21:42:00.000-05:00

I have a funny feeling in my upper back on the left side of my spine...not enough pain yet to be an injury, so I'll just refer to it as an opening... I was talking with Mary about it today, and she told me a story about how Guruji says that pain is "a symptom of the practice". I agree to a certain extent. Pain due to body changes and "openings" is totally fine, I think it teaches you to be strong and focused... That being said, pain due to injuries is not okay, although sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.

I was given Baddha Konasana today. Very cool. First pose I've ever been "given". My mysore practice before Mary was not as traditional, so I went the whole way through the primary series. I'm trying to not be attached to getting poses, but it is exciting!

Teacher training again on Saturday. And then I teach my first class on Sunday. Whew, time is a flyin'!

Yoga, Yoga, and More Yoga!

2007-05-07T12:15:00.000-05:00

This weekend was teacher training, we have been together as a group for a while now, and have grown really close. This process has been extremely transformative for me, and I believe I have made some life long friends. Shout out to my Kula if any of you are reading! :)

Morning mysore was rough today. I guess from sitting around in training all weekend I tightened up...My shoulders in Prasarita Padottanasana C were "as if someone had filled them with cement". Someone on Ashtangi.net said it that way once, and I liked it. I'm hoping to be a bit more limber tomorrow. Mary suggested to me last week that I drink more water to help with my stamina, and boy has it! It's interesting to me how we forget how essential water is...keeps us energized, allows us to detoxify, fights depression and anxiety, keeps our skin soft and supple, etc, etc, etc,... and I still lapse in drinking enough. My new mission is to carry a bottle with me everywhere :)

I'll write more soon, I'm swamped and want to fit in posts as often as I can, but they may be a wee shorter for a little while :)

Namaste.

Morning Mysore with Mary

2007-05-03T21:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, I was skeptical at first about this whole early morning mysore thing...but I have to say I freaking love it. Granted, Wednesday was a moon day, and I've only been today and Tuesday, but I can't wait to get up in the morning and go tomorrow! I'm converted! I have a feeling that this will be cyclical, like all things in life, and I will go through phases where I don't want to get up so early every day. If I can just remember how much I love it now, that should carry me through the times I don't love it so much.

Mary Flinn is an amazing teacher. She doesn't leave room for slacking off, and is very helpful and compassionate. I am really enjoying learning from her. She has given me through Garba Pindasana, and says that it isn't really about the poses, she thinks they are there for me to continue, she says it is more about stamina.

I agree with her about that one. My stamina is lacking lately, between switching to morning practice, that month hiatus for my shoulder, and giving up meat (yes I've finally gone vegetarian), my body is going through some adjustments. I see progress though, so I am pleased.

Teacher training again this weekend! I'm about half way through...Crazy!

Hope all is well with you.

Nadi Shodana

2007-04-30T18:33:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine was giving a workshop called "Intro to Second Series" and I decided it would be fun to check it out....boy was I right, and very wrong. First let me say that I do not think that I should be moving on to second any time soon, I was just curious. Then, I'd like to say that anyone practicing second should stop reading this and do something nice for themselves instead. Second series is no joke! I feel like a piece of chewed bubble gum today.

I'll start mysore in the mornings tomorrow. I told Mary at a party for her this weekend that I would be in her morning mysore classes, so that I couldn't back out. I hope I adjust to the new schedule quickly, I've never been a morning person, but I can't pass up the opportunity to study with her. Any advice on making the transition?

Ha!

2007-04-27T21:43:00.000-05:00

I bound my hands in Supta Kurmasana by myself for the first time ever today! :) Hurrah....more to come....

For a Dear Friend

2007-04-27T09:59:00.000-05:00

A close family friend, Lynda C Malone, passed away very recently from cancer. My husband has created an endowment in her name to donate to the American Institute for Cancer Research every year for the life of the fund, for years and years to come.

The website is http://www.lyndamalonefoundation.org . If you can spare it, please visit the site and help us honor her memory and the memories of those lost to cancer around the world.

Strength and Stamina

2007-04-27T09:42:00.000-05:00

You know how sometimes you will have a practice where you begin to wonder if you are capable of practicing ashtanga yoga? Anyway, I hope you know. I'm still gaining speed from the month off I think. I can't for the life of me make it through an entire class without skipping vinyasas left and right. And my jumpbacks are excruciating. So much effort in each one that I poop out right around Mari A.

I realize that this is part of the journey, and I love that, I just feel so weak sometimes!

My last class with my mentor was last night. He has told us he is moving to a different studio downtown, so I could still see him every so often, which is good... The torch is being passed to Mary Flinn this weekend at a potluck dinner. Her first public class is Saturday, and I will go. I'm excited to have the chance to study with a teacher certified by guruji. And a different point of view is always helpful.

All the "cool kids" are going to the potluck, and some of them have even acknowledged my existence over the past few days. I hope that having some social interactions outside the studio will help us bond. Thanks for the enlightening comments about this situation, my perspective was a little narrow, and realizing that has made me feel better.

What am I, Like 15?

2007-04-23T08:48:00.000-05:00

I feel silly writing about this, but it has bothered me for a little while now...

I'm sure that it happens in other lineages as well, but does anyone besides me ever get annoyed with the cliquishness of some groups of Ashtanga practitioners? I've also been getting a really bad vibe from some of the women in my classes ... a cattiness if you will...

Now I realize that adults act like teenagers everywhere, at work, school, in the grocery store, and even in yoga class, but I do feel like it is a little rampant with Ashtangis... wonder why...

It bothers me more than it should, I start wondering why they don't like me, and how I can get them to like me....then I realize I am being ridiculous and try to forget about it.
__________________

In other news, teacher training was good this weekend. We've transitioned from lecture type classes about yogic philosophy, literature, and history to teaching asana. Only four months to graduation. Crazy.

Also, I think that my mentor leaving is affecting me more than I thought... I had a dream the other night that I was so late that I missed his last class, and I was really upset. I guess I subconsciously feel that there is something I still want to learn from him before he goes.

Have a great Monday everyone.

I so got called out...

2007-04-19T21:21:00.000-05:00

On my way to led primary tonight I realized that I was actually dreading practicing. It happens every once and a while, I just imagine all the asanas to come, and I want to start just to get it over with. So, I came up with an "awesome" plan, I would ask my teacher to assist so I wouldn't have to practice.

Here's the thing, when I came in and said "I was thinking I could assist instead of practicing tonight", he saw right through me and said aloud to the whole class "Sounds to me like someone just doesn't want to practice!"....How the eff did he know that! I got called out....and then something amazing happened, I had a wonderful practice. It may have been destined to be awesome either way, but I'll never know. Kurmasana with heels off the floor, binding to the wrist in all the Mari's (except D, don't be crazy! :)), and hands to floor in prasarita padottanasana C (okay, that was with an adjustment, but it was still the first time I've touched, help or no help).

This will keep me motivated for a while, you never know when that really great practice will be, so when the urge is there to skip it, don't.

In other news, teacher training is this weekend. And in just over a week, I'll begin a regular morning Mysore class with Mary Flinn! :) She is recognized by Guruji, and is going to be by far the most experienced teacher that I've studied with long term. I figure weekend workshops with David Swenson don't count. I'm really excited!

To all a good night!

Adjustments

2007-04-17T22:30:00.000-05:00

I am learning to adjust practitioners from my mentor. It is so strange being the one giving the adjustments as opposed to receiving them. I have to say I am having a little anxiety about adjusting people. I know that I love them and will take them from anyone who knows what they are doing, but for some reason I am worried (projecting) that people will not think I'm "worthy" to adjust them. I guess since I am a new teacher?

Hmmm...tomorrow I will adjust the class that I normally practice in, I'll let you know how that goes...

Anusara: Nit-picking or Helpful Hints?

2007-04-15T21:25:00.000-05:00

During teacher training I had a workshop today about teaching back-bends. I love back-bends, so I was really excited for this. It was taught by Christina Sell who studied with John Friend. She, not to mention the other teachers from the anusara tradition that I have had, is very very concerned with alignment and adjustments of every joint, and even the most subtle actions of those joints.

One the one hand I love breaking the movements and postures down to that level, on the other it sometimes seems kind of annoying. When I am trying to incorporate so many things at once, I often feel overwhelmed and lose focus in the posture...

Is it me being naive, or is it okay to sometimes just feel your way through an asana? To enjoy it and find what feels right?

Now, I don't mean to bad-mouth this class I had, despite what I've just said, I learned to open my upper back much more, which allowed much deeper back-bends in every posture we did. The techniques I learned will stick with me through the rest of my life. And I LOVE Christina, she is the most amazing teacher, super funny and friendly, and just the right amount of intensity plus compassion.

Just some random thoughts....

On another random note, I may have been offered a job replacing my mentor who is leaving the studio...weird....I'm not sure if anyone would take me seriously and want to learn from me when I have been practicing beside them, and I would all of a sudden be the instructor. I doubt I would react well to that....but maybe some people would !?

My schedule has really been getting in the way of a regular practice for the past (and probably future) few days. Not to mention a nasty head cold. Hard to do udjayi pranayama with so much mucus! Gross! Did I just say that? :) I hope to get back to it on Tuesday....

Here's hoping you are all feeling well and happy! Will post again super soon!

Dog Days

2007-04-12T22:13:00.000-05:00

We took our boston to the vet today. He needed heartgard, and we found out he has an ear infection! It took four grown men to hold down my 20 pound dog to give him ear drops! I was embarrassed and proud all at the same time.

Went to the campus ashtanga class that I used to attend months ago. It was really nice to visit, but I was surprised what my practice used to be like. The room was air conditioned (70 degrees), with mirrors, and the primary series was extremely modified. We skipped about half the asanas! It is an intro course for college students, so I guess it really isn't that surprising, but it is strange for me to think about how much my practice has changed. I feel more "official" now, which really means nothing, but I think you know what I mean. Maybe more "traditional" would be a better way to describe it.

I've added a couple new pics on the side there, the state of the backbend, and Mari D :)

Slow and Steady

2007-04-07T13:24:00.000-05:00

Ventured out in the cold (37 degrees) and rain this morning to go to led primary. Took it slow and easy...some strength coming back slowly. Plus I usually practice in the evening, so I cut myself some slack. It's funny how much more grateful I am for my practice having had to give it mostly up for a month.

My husband and I seem to be perpetual students....or maybe just perpetually stupid:)...we keep enrolling in long-term higher education programs, straining ourselves financially and for time. We are known as "the busiest couple" in our family. For a while I thought it was because we were forced into this situation, but then I realized that we are making conscious decisions to do this. I chose to enter a PhD program, and then chose to enter an intense 9 month yoga teacher training program at the same time. He chose to enter an MBA program in the evenings while working full time at a job.

I'm hoping we get this out of our systems after this round and just settle down and enjoy the fruits of our labor for a while. I feel like I am always striving for the next goal, swimming against the current as hard as I can. I'd like to let go, and float, let the current carry me for a while.

This is true in my Ashtanga practice as well. My teacher was saying today during final breathing that it is important to relax and remove some of the intensity in your practice. Otherwise you are just tightening up and impeding your progress. I love the idea of this, that as soon as you give in, let go, and relax, it comes. Going to meditate on that for a while. Make it my resolution during yoga nidra for a while.

I couldn't resist

2007-04-06T09:37:00.000-05:00

So, after telling myself it would be okay to practice every other day while I get back up to speed with my practice....I practiced last night. That's two days in a row, no day in between...and I was super sore, and skipped almost all the vinyasas, put my legs up the wall during most of the closing sequence...and loved it. I'm thinking that doing a 50% practice every day or a 90% practice every other day is about the same thing :) Regardless, I've missed practice so much. I couldn't resist. I would say I'll take today off, but who knows.

Wait a Minute Mr. Postman

2007-04-05T08:22:00.000-05:00

The Grant is gone...I sent it last night to Bethesda, Maryland. Hurray! I slept better last night than I have in almost a month.

That could have also been because I went to my first mysore style class in a month. It was only my second class practice back. I'm surprised how much strength and stamina I have lost over the break. I am sore in places that I haven't been sore in for almost a year. I can tell my body needs to rebuild. But don't think I am disappointed. I enjoyed that practice so much. I like having to slow down a bit and be mindful of every posture and every vinyasa.

I think I'll practice every other day for a while to work back into a daily practice. Slow and steady...

Back in the Swing of Things?

2007-04-01T21:23:00.000-05:00

I went to led primary yesterday morning. I modified quite heavily to be safe, no jump-throughs or backs, no arm balances, I refrained from sweeping my arms over my head, etc. It was a really really nice practice. It felt sooo good to be back in the group.

Today, the arm feels fine, which makes sense because of all of the modifications, but I am super duper sore today. It was weird because during practice, I was extra bendy, even though I thought for sure I wasn't going to be able to touch my toes. I hadn't practiced in three weeks! But, I was laying on my legs in all the seated forward bends, my head was touching my shins in uttanasana...and today my muscles are wrecked. It didn't feel like a ton of effort at the time, but I am more sore than I have been in a long time. I sorta love it though, it reminds me that I am finally practicing again. I'm a sicko, what can I say :)

I've been continuing to observe/assist with my mentors classes. That is such a nice experience. He teaches ashtanga, hatha, and hatha flow, so I've gotten to see a lot of different types of classes. Tomorrow night I'm going to go observe a beginner's series. I'm really excited about that because the people who attend my mentor's classes seem to be fairly advanced, and I feel like I'll learn more teaching/observing beginners. I'll blog about that tomorrow!

Until then you little sweeties!

Singing in the rain

2007-03-30T13:54:00.000-05:00

A large storm has blown into texas. I am at home with my pup listening to the rain falling. I'm hoping all this rain may wash some of the pollen away, as my allergies are crazy today!

Later today I am going to present my research to some students my program is recruiting. That is really fun, in a nostalgic sort of way. I love to remember going on interviews and visiting the university, and it is fun to think that I am now showing off this university to prospective students, as the cycle continues.

I've been observing a lot of classes instead of practicing. This has been really eye opening. As a student practicing in the class, it is difficult for me to see the entire picture sometimes. To step back and watch the whole class practice is really nice. I get to see the adjustments as the teach gives them, I get to see how people adjust themselves, and the breathing and energy is very comforting. I'd like to hang out there all day!

I think I may try to get back into the swing of asana practice myself tomorrow morning. We'll see about that...don't want to awaken the sleeping giant in my shoulder!

I've been thinking a lot about being good, kind, and forgiving with one's self lately. I really think that too often, we are judgemental of each other, but even more so of ourselves. We are very hard on ourselves! I'm trying to cut myself a break lately, and I like it :) I'm doing the best that I can in my life, and that feels really good.

Farewell Tele

2007-03-28T19:31:00.000-05:00

My husband and I have decided to get rid of television....oooooooooh I'm scared! And strangely excited! It is one of those things that I've known we should do for long time, but have not had the will power to do. I mentioned the other day to my hubby that I have been considering it, I think in a way to get him to push me to agree to do it. He has always felt it was bad, a distraction, etc....but I grew up with the t.v. on non-stop. This will take some adjusting to, but it is already cool because I feel like I have so much more time in the evening. Funny.

I'm going to start practicing full primary again soon, the tendons seem to have calmed down finally...they were angry little fellas for a while there, I wonder how it will be going back after three weeks off? I'm worried I will have lost a ton of strength, flexibility, and stamina. How has everybody else done after breaks like this?

Observing

2007-03-26T20:42:00.000-05:00

Teacher training all weekend this past weekend, 10 hours both days. Classes included: Pranayama: breath and ratio, Pranayama: breath and movement, Deepening in meditation, Sensory systems, Sun Salutations, & Basic Yogic Philosophy. Now that we are about 1/3 of the way through this journey together, we are all starting to get close. It feels kind of like summer camp:)

Tonight I observed my first Ashtanga class with my mentor. I have to say it was a truly inspiring experience. Thank you to everyone who practices Ashtanga for being such an inspiration. Watching a group of people practice in synchrony was beautiful to behold. So many different bodies, so many different versions of the same posture, all beautiful.

Om.
vande gurunam charanaravinde
sandarsita svatmasukhava bodhe
nihsreyase jangalikayamane
samsara halahala mohasantyai

abahu purusakaram
sankhacakrasi dharinam
sahasra sirasam svetam
pranamami patanjalim
Om

Sending thoughts and prayers to Guruji. Namaste.

Can't....keep....my.....eyes.....open....

2007-03-22T13:14:00.002-05:00

So tired today....good grief...My grant is in the hands of my boss for his input. That's the good news. The bad news is that I'm exhausted and the editing after his comments will be as much if not more work than writing this draft.

On the flip side, the arm is finally starting to slowly improve. I was beginning to wonder if it was ever going to heal. Even though only time will tell how it will perform in the long run, I'm feeling optimistic :)

This weekend is teacher training. Two ten hour days of yoga! I'm excited even though I know I'll be hating life without my weekend off.

Oh, and my husband apparently reads my blog more often than I thought. Last night he used it as leverage. He wanted me to walk him through some asana, and I was pooped. Then he said, "I'm going to post on your blog and tell on you if you don't" :) Guess I beat him to the punch by telling on myself, but I thought it was super cute that he was jonesing for some asana! His surya namaskar are starting to look really good, his body seems more lubricated like he has kicked off some of the dust from not stretching and moving much. Hurray!

Hmph....that's me pouting :)

2007-03-19T14:17:00.000-05:00

I've resigned to the fact that I need to take a couple weeks off from practice. Well, any part of asana that involves my right arm anyway. I won't complain more about my shoulder after this post, that's enough....but the update is that I will take the next week or two off, I plan to spend much more time reading, meditating, and practicing yoga nidra.

Moving on, my husband is almost able to touch his toes now, after many nights of forward bends! He emailed me from work to say he was waiting by the printer and decided to stretch a bit, and was surprised at how "bendy" he felt. Fun! Unfortunately, I've been a sore sport about not being able to practice asana myself, and have not been teaching him as often...going to get back on track tonight!

I had a thought yesterday about how my two value systems that I adhere to are at odds and very polarized. It all started when my husband bought a new car. He really needed one, his old car was threatening to lose its right front wheel while in motion and was worth less than the cost of repairs. He bought a brand new Jetta. It is beautiful, I started thinking about how I can't wait to get my PhD and get paid a real salary, so I can buy a new car! The thing is, I have a great car already, bought it new three years ago to take me through graduate school. It still looks and drives like it is new....

I realized that my yogic view on the world makes me want to renounce material possessions, but there is a large part of me that loves luxury! Finding a balance is quite interesting! I feel guilty for wanting things I don't "need", things I only "want". The other part of me feels that it may be damn near impossible to escape the material mindset in the united states, where everywhere you look it is all about excess...My two minds are duking it out in there, Who will win out? Only time will tell...probably neither :)

What to do...

2007-03-16T22:41:00.000-05:00

Ah bicep tendonitis...any advice on how to "rest" the proximal bicep tendon AND practice Ashtanga? :) OR, any one else experienced bicep tendonitis? I'd love to hear your story.

Also, what do people think about injuries in general? Is it best to practice through them, modifying, or is it best to wait until you are sure you are totally healed to return to asana?

I'm debating about whether to go to led class in the morning, the shoulder is not up to par, maybe going and skipping vinyasas is the way to go. The safe way to go would be to wait, I spent 20 something years not practicing, I don't think another week or so would kill me ! Oh, but I do miss the energy of the class.

Happy Weekend Everyone ! :)

What a difference a day makes

2007-03-15T15:51:00.000-05:00

Here is that more positive entry that I was hoping to be able to write today!

I think my favorite lesson that yoga has taught me is that unhappiness comes from searching for permanence in a world of impermanence. I have accepted that the tides of change are a force beyond control, and that is so comforting when things are not going so well. I really have started to count on and believe in the fact that no matter how sad, tired, down, hopeless, etc that I may feel in any one moment, that the next moment will be different.

Interestingly, finding comfort in the impermanence is actually just accepting the permanence of impermanence....love it.

Not to say that I don't live in each passing moment. Paradoxically, that has become second nature to me as well as a result of my practice. Knowing that the next moment will be different allows me to be present in the current one without anxiety, and to really sink into it and experience it while I have it. For example, when my hamstrings are burning in a forward bend I try to really experience it, knowing that it will pass soon.

I guess what it all boils down to is that practicing yoga makes me more comfortable in my own skin and allows me to relax and take things in stride.

My shoulder pain is down to a dull ache, and I seem to have full range of motion again. I did a mini-practice in my bedroom this afternoon and plan to start with led classes on Saturday and mysore on Sunday.

Insult to Injury: Part Deux

2007-03-14T15:02:00.000-05:00

WARNING: this post is full of me whining...in continuing to read it, the reader waives any right to pick on me or my post.

The day after my last post, my right shoulder stiffened up and became racked with pain...I went to the doctor yesterday, and she tugged on my arm in all different directions and gave me the news: " proximal bicep tendonitis".

It has been improving a lot, every day I wake up and it feels leaps and bounds better than the day before, but no yoga for three days now... Well, that isn't entirely true, no vinyasas, chatarangas, arms in the air (as I can't bring my right one over my head), weight on my arms, etc...you get the picture, pretty much just forward bends with my hands on my waist.

I have enjoyed the break from practice; I think my recent rash of injuries indicates I'm pushing too hard. It has also given me time to think about that very issue. Have I been pushing too hard in the shala, or too hard in the rest of my life so there isn't anything left for the shala?

For example, I am a very busy graduate student, my research is freaking stressful (as most of our jobs are I'm sure), and I have an extremely unsupportive boss ( who even made me cry hysterically today ). Combine that with Austin traffic, writing a federal grant (for the second time as it was rejected the first time, so really re-writing it), feeling the pinch in the financial department (remember I'm a grad student), and ashtanga injury after injury. I've run out of internal strength and joy as well as the energy to regenerate it.

No purpose really to writing all this down, except to stop it from rolling around in my head. I look forward to tomorrow and to writing a more positive entry.

Insult to Injury

2007-03-12T09:31:00.000-05:00

So mysore class was crazy yesterday. I wasn't feeling connected to my practice, and as a result I think I was sloppy...halfway through I was jumping through and my toenail sliced open my right wrist! Then I had some odd emotional reaction to the blood/injury! Usually I'm not such a weenie! I had to leave the room, sit down (the room was getting dark and my head was spinning), sip water, and collect myself. Anyone else had a strange emotional experience during practice?

I did go back in and finish which I was happy I did, and when I told the teach about my experience he said, (and I quote) "Blood, sweat, and tears of Ashtanga". That got me thinking... There seems to be at least two camps of Ashtangis...those that sacrifice and are proud of their blood, sweat, and tears....and those that feel that those elements are a little to harsh (maybe not the sweat). I am from the latter camp. I don't want to feel blood and tears are necessary to practice this form of yoga....and I don't plan to teach my students that they are.

Weight! I have issues...

2007-03-11T13:42:00.000-05:00

So, ugh, lately I have been thinking about my weight...I thought I had managed to escape a few of my body issues, but I made the mistake of weighing myself recently, and the number surprised me, a lot...Then today I read Yoga Chickie's post about losing weight to make Supta K easier...ewe, then I started thinking I should make an effort to lose some weight to see if that's true...It's been months since I thought I looked "fat", and I doubt much has changed with my body over the last 24 hours, but my mental outlook sure has...hate it...need....to....resist...the urge to....judge...myself...ugh

Today will be mysore with the teach...I'm excited about it, and hope that I can leave my mind at the door. I would love to have a practice today where I listen to my body and let it guide me through, so that I can be in a more contemplative and meditative state, rather than a competitive one :)

Disconnected

2007-03-08T16:14:00.000-05:00

Today my cable/internet went down for around 4 hours. I had decided to stay home to work on a grant I am writing (which I need the internet for...). I was really surprised how weird I felt without having access to the internet or having the television on. I got so uncomfortable that I left the house to go shopping for a little while. I've actually been toying with getting rid of television lately, and this is just more fuel for the fire, maybe I'll be making that plunge sooner than later...maybe an experimental trial run is in order.

Also, another experiment I would like to try is to stop blogging about progress with asanas, which ones I bound in, whether or not I did a headstand, etc. (as this really isn't the point of my practice) and start blogging more about my spiritual journey, teacher training, and meditation. In the spirit of this, I have been wanting to increase the amount of time I spend meditating. My current techniques include body scanning/mindfulness and concentrating on the retentions between breaths. Anyone have a technique that has been successful for them?

Drill Sergeant

2007-03-07T16:54:00.000-05:00

Went to an evening class last night at northwest...I felt extra bendy for some reason, I love those days. The class had a lot more new folks than usual, so the teach spent some time giving us drills to do to work on jumping through. That was really nice, because when new students aren't there we don't get much in the way of explanation.

Anyway he gave us this one drill that was really helpful for jumping through with knees crossed. You sit as you would when you first come through with your knees crossed and the top edges of your feet on the ground, ankles crossed. Your arms are straight by your hips, you then lift your hips up and support yourself on your hands and the edges of your feet. It's great to build strength in the places you use to pull yourself through and lower. Needless to say, my arms are sore in new places.