Connected

I went to a very crowded cafeteria style room today for lunch with a couple friends. While they grabbed our lunches, I reserved a table by sitting and spreading my few belongings out to look like I had invisible friends at every seat. At first I felt pretty awkward. And then I started looking around at all the other tables of people. I usually ignore a crowd in that type of situation, but instead I decided to lean into the awkwardness. And I found that as I saw each person, met eyes with a few of them, that I was glad I was looking at them. I felt connected to them and happy that they were there. Isn't it funny that a crowd can either make you feel lonely or make you feel in touch, depending on how you react to it. Same crowd, different reactions.

Okay, enough of my esoteric rant. I just really enjoyed that feeling.

Today is the second pain free day in over six weeks. No asana for over two weeks. I see the physical therapist in the morning, and I'm praying he'll say that the vertebra has stayed in alignment.

I gave that talk yesterday. I got a really positive response, and that was very cool. I almost feel like a real, honest to goodness scientist. Almost :)

Physical Therapy in Lieu of Yoga Therapy...

So, I'll be doing some strength building exercises for a week (or two, it's hard to tell with these kinds of things). I like having a plan to follow. That's probably one of the reasons I am drawn to ashtanga in the first place.

At work, I'm giving my first talk about my own data tomorrow morning. This will actually be a practice for a talk I'm giving in three weeks at a national alcohol research convention. It is really weird to have reached this milestone in my career. It feels good. Well, it feels good when it doesn't feel awful from me being nervous.

Thanks for all of the supportive comments everyone! :)

I'm sure some of you thought I was a slacker...

Nope. I've been avoiding my blog on purpose....I've been really injured, and really angry.

For about six weeks now, I've had a pain in my upper back, on the left side, between my shoulder blade and my spine....It would go away, then come back, then go away, etc.... So I tried modifying, I tried being more mindful of keeping my shoulder blades flat on my back in chataranga, I tried to be more mindful of keeping my back straight and not hyper-extending in down dog, I tried taking some time off...and then the muscle spasms started...there was no more kidding myself, so I went to the doctor.

She sent me to a specialist and physical therapy. Turns out I had a vertebral subluxation...in english, a vertebra had rotated out of alignment. The PT popped it back in, and I went on about my life in a semi-crippled way from soreness, until the next day when I demo-ed a pose (very gently! I was being cautious) in a class I was teaching, and I heard a pop and felt excruciating pain...

Went to the PT this morning, and it had popped back out! So, now I'm on a strict "NO-YOGA" only physical therapy regimen...apparently the muscles around this particular area are weak and malformed after the 6 weeks of wear and tear and it is time to whip them back into shape...

So, yeah, I'm angry, and bitter, and I had to miss a weekend with Manju Jois this weekend, that I had already paid for.

Hmph.

I don't know if Ashtanga is too dangerous, or if I push too hard, or if I had a weak spot in my body that needed to be addressed...I hate to be in this place where I am considering switching lineages....I really doubt I will give it up, but seriously, I don't know how much more of this kind of thing I can take...


*EDIT* I just read back through my blog, and I've complained of this since MAY 10th! Geez...