Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Wide Awake and Dreaming

Last night as I was having trouble falling asleep I found myself trying to figure out why I always let my mind race as I go to sleep. During the day I have vigilance for my thought patterns, and I try to keep them healthy and in the moment. But for some reason at night, I lose my will and the thoughts pour out.

I found myself worrying about things so far off in the future, they may never happen. That is so silly. Let's worry about things that may not even happen! I mean, come on!

Anyway, instead of entertaining this nauseating game any longer, I decided to practice a little mindfulness. And I found that my vicious thoughts were taking me out of the most lovely experience.

As I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, the fan was on and producing the most sweet subtle breeze. The sheets felt so soft and comfortable. I had my husband breathing in sync with me by my side. I felt still and quiet and it was absolutely lovely. And I could have missed it because of citta vritti! Isn't it wonderful that liberation is by our sides at all times? So close that we can access it at a moment's notice.

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