WARNING: this post is full of me whining...in continuing to read it, the reader waives any right to pick on me or my post.
The day after my last post, my right shoulder stiffened up and became racked with pain...I went to the doctor yesterday, and she tugged on my arm in all different directions and gave me the news: " proximal bicep tendonitis".
It has been improving a lot, every day I wake up and it feels leaps and bounds better than the day before, but no yoga for three days now... Well, that isn't entirely true, no vinyasas, chatarangas, arms in the air (as I can't bring my right one over my head), weight on my arms, etc...you get the picture, pretty much just forward bends with my hands on my waist.
I have enjoyed the break from practice; I think my recent rash of injuries indicates I'm pushing too hard. It has also given me time to think about that very issue. Have I been pushing too hard in the shala, or too hard in the rest of my life so there isn't anything left for the shala?
For example, I am a very busy graduate student, my research is freaking stressful (as most of our jobs are I'm sure), and I have an extremely unsupportive boss ( who even made me cry hysterically today ). Combine that with Austin traffic, writing a federal grant (for the second time as it was rejected the first time, so really re-writing it), feeling the pinch in the financial department (remember I'm a grad student), and ashtanga injury after injury. I've run out of internal strength and joy as well as the energy to regenerate it.
No purpose really to writing all this down, except to stop it from rolling around in my head. I look forward to tomorrow and to writing a more positive entry.
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4 comments:
I'm glad you wrote that, I've had much the same kind of thing recently: stressful phd research, stress at work, injuries...but no driving issues I failed my test 3 times with dangerous :)
The best advice i have? Focus on what you can do and not on what you can't.
thanks cj, sounds like we have a lot in common (besides the driving:)). I really like your advice, I'll strive to do that!
Elaina - Not to change the subject from whining ;), but I see you're studying neuroscience. I read an article recently about experments done with the cooperation of the dalai lama and other monks that seemed to have identified changes in the physical brain structure among the group of experienced meditators. If you know anything about this or related research, it would be interesting to hear.
A few days ago, you posted a question about meditation techniques. While I'm not a big meditator, my gut has always told me the simpler the better. Sit still and straight and count the breaths; to four; to ten; whatever; then start over. Or just focus on the experience of breathing at a certain point in the body (throat; nostrils; abdomen). Also, I like to use a timer, so I don't have to think "how long have I been meditating".
I kind of think that lots of the talk about technique is like mental fidgeting; a distraction from the practice.
Tim, I will definitely put together a post soon reviewing the neuroscience/mediation/yoga research I am familiar with! What a good idea. It may be a few days or more as I am in a deadline crunch to finish a grant. Stay tuned! :)
And thanks for the advice about meditation! I agree that obsessing over technique can distract, my problem is I feel I've reached a plateau with my natural inclinations towards meditation. I know I can deepen my practice, just haven't figured out how yet.
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